Take an obscure Polish holiday and add a bunch of half-minds and then throw in a bunch of shiggy and what do you get? The Dyngus Day Hash of course. Yep, Butters, Pocket, and Captain set a shiity trail starting from the Hollywood Theater in Mattydale.
So circle began with…well—I actually have no idea because I was a Bobbit, but I can imagine that it was some random flour markings and some blah, blah, blah about itbeing our own fucking fault, or something like that. I was actually pretty surprised to have missed circle because I was only about 15 minutes late and our trails never start on time…Surprise.
The beginning of trail was…well—I actually have no idea about that either, being a Bobbit and all…but from what I can gather from the random marks I did find was that it circled around a neighborhood. Some pleasant bike riding children asked if I was with that running group and that someone had her underpants on the outside and they said “Shark Geek.” Close, kids. Keep practicing and your reading scores will go up. They also told me that the group had gone left at the stop sign…which turned out to be a lie. Precious children— gifts from above, each and every one.
After getting really confused for awhile after hashing in Ithaca the previous weekend, I realized an X was a check here in good old Syracuse. Doh. Finally at a park, a nice soccer playing family said they had seen my group run through about an hour earlier. That was impossible, so I ventured off thinking a group of half-minds couldn’t stay hidden forever.
As I was about to give up, I suddenly heard to joyful din of hashers crashing across a brook. I was saved. They had just finished the first Beer Near and there was a full battle of pussy willow whipping and squirt guns shooting. From there the trail did its usual bit of back and forth and round and round. We ended up in the woods and in a bit of a thornpalcalyse. At some point Bushy tried to kill Slip by breaking a tree and hitting her in the head. It’s all fun and games until someone kills the RA.
We also encountered a creek that most tried to skirt around…but eventually it was impossible and everyone had to cross. And that is where the mayhem began. As the DFLs crossed the mucky water the FRBs began pegging water balloons at them. It was all out warfare. Goldie got nailed and went down and I am pretty sure she wasn’t the only casualty. Then back into more shiggilicious woods and a shot check.
After the shot check the hash returned to the more residential area for another SOH4 tradition—a failed boob check. So off went the ladies to find trail. Lots of running in the neighborhoods and then back to the woods where we found a treasure—a shopping cart. Yep, the dedicated hashers dragged it through the wood with Vomit Comet going for a wild ride. Captain was a little jealous, but was a promised a turn later.
There were some curious looks as the half-minds raced through the streets of Mattydale brandishing pussy willows and water pistols and now pushing a shopping cart. We ended up at the second Beer Near that was actually something of a scavenger hunt. Once it was finally located, the half-minds had their thirst quenched and it was a jog back to the On-In.
Back at the Hollywood, circle started off innocuously enough…some down-downs to hares for a shitty trail, some hash crashes, peeing on trail, and of course a down-down for Bobbits. The shopping cart ended up in circle with Captain in it—no surprise there—and everything was going along fine when the police showed up. Slip took charge and explained that we are a running club and he seemed skeptical. Actually, it could have gone much worse and he basically advised us to get out of there ASAP and that if anyone was not able to drive then perhaps it was best that they carpool. We half-minds are not half-wits, so we took that advice and headed to the On-After at Woody’s Jerkwater.
There was food, beer and a rousing sing-a-long to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin.”
Happy Dyngus Day, half-minds. On-better late than never!-on
Respectfully submitted,
Came with A Fake Name
And because this video can never be watched enough, enjoy!
-Butters
