Courtesy of Tough Knees:

The morning of the 14th hash started just like and normal January day in Syracuse, sunny and 50 degrees. Everyone showed up after the SU basketball game (some later than others) and we all greeted long-lost P.O., who returned to hare with Just Erik and Just Jess. We were promised a day of running and drinking in areas of Syracuse that we had never been. And it was…

Four virgins were introduced to the group, clearly unaware of what was ahead for them. Chalk talk began, and along with our legal disclaimer we were told “Safety in Numbers.” Wise words to remember for this run. The virgins looked, shall we say, “concerned.” And we were off, heading southeast through the city. We had our usual FRB’s, with Mudman leading the pack. By the time we got to our 4th X for true trail, we realized we were down in numbers. Commando Cobbler and Flesh Flaps were nowhere to be seen. Turns out CC ran back to his car to put his backpack away, and we had departed without them. We were all very confident they would catch up. Of course, no one could find his phone number.

The neighborhood became sketchier and sketchier, luckily there was still daylight. We came to our first beer near, a quaint little neighborhood pub called Lois’ Lounge. We were warmly greeted with a locked door, the place was closed. As we turned to our lead hare, P.O., all he could say was “But I called ahead and made reservations!!” Panicked, we debated what to do. How could we have a beer near with no beer?? Hands trembled and voices quivered until luckily, our hares Just Jess and Just Erik took the situation in hand and ran two blocks to a convenience store and bought two twelve-packs of beer. As we all drank down behind Lois’, heads began to clear and we began thinking straight once again. That’s when we realized that Commando and Flesh Flaps had not caught up with us yet. It was then determined that no one had bothered to mark true trail, and we all hoped to meet up with them at the end. Not long after we began drinking the beer from the convenience store, Lois’ Lounge opened up and we all went in, a little concerned about what this establishment might be like, considering the disclaimer on the front door regarding illegal substances in the bar. They were actually quite welcoming, and we were all compelled to drink another beer and sing some songs. Since they had an actual bathrooms, we all made a pit-stop, wherein the gentlemen of our group were reminded that they were not allowed to roll blunts in the men’s room. We’ll have to remember that for our next trip to Lois’.

We headed out once again, navigating the ins and outs of the projects, mostly in two groups. As I take my position as DFL very seriously, I did not want to disappoint and remained at the back of the pack with P.O. and Pink Penalty. As we passed an upstanding young man with his pants neatly belted just above his knees alongside another very large ominous looking gentleman, I dared P.O. and Pink to pants him, and even offered $100 for the deed. Alas, they both decided that $100 wouldn’t cover medical expenses and we carried on to the next B.N. at Just Erik and Just Jess’ apartment, where plenty of beer was passed around, this time with snacks (great call on the animal crackers by the way!). Mudman regaled us with Today is Monday and a few other ditties. We discussed our next hash, and P.O. volunteered Virgin Nico to co-hare. Just Nico must have been having fun (or was totally drunk) because he heartily agreed to do it. We all gave Just Jess’ sweet puppy a pat on the head, and thanks to Stiffy Lube, he is now renamed and answers to “Winston.”

As the sun bean to set on our proud city, we ran the remainder of the hash back to our starting point and entered Holmes Bar. For some reason which we have yet to figure out, they like us. They really, really like us. (Sorry, having a Sally Field moment). And to our surprise, who was there but Commando and Flesh Flaps! Hurray! They had not tried to find true trail and were hopelessly lost in the projects, and instead were convinced to stay at the bar and drink by Honey Boo Boo and Tweedle Me, late arrivals that we had left behind. We had circle in the back room of the bar where we initiated our virgins, chastised our latecomers, and had plenty of down-downs for the many offenses committed on trail.

And so ended Hash #14 of the new On-on-dog-a Hash House Harriers.


Hash Stats: 24 hashers (4 virgins)
Hares: Pubic Offender, Just Jess, Just Erik