Wet, White, and Blue!
About twenty half-minds gathered behind the Alvord House in Marcellus—aka Marsyphilis, for a celebration of Veteran’s Day. There was an assortment of red, white, and blue including socks, scarves, hats, beads, and one (verified) blue—well maybe turquoise, undergarment…and flags galore. But Deflower City was by far the most festive in a head to toe ensemble that earned him the name of Captain America for the day.
The gang circled up and interestingly enough the Veteran’s Day Hash had no virgins, just Veteran Hashers, including some real Veterans. Bill2 and Captain Cock Cuntroller were the hares and informed us all symbols would be pretty straight forward, including Turkey & Eagle. More on that later! We had been previously informed that it would be a wet trail and to bring a change of clothes and a towel. How bad could it be? Hashers would soon find out.
Circle was kept short due to the cold and so we were off, not surprisingly through a cemetery. At the first check the hashers managed to behave themselves in front of some small children with balloons, but that would be the end of the restraint and good behavior for the day. The gang crossed Main Street Marsyphilis again and ran through the yard of a heavy equipment business, complete with back-ho’s! Hashers also ran through a muddy graveyard of sorts, for old equipment and parts, and eventually ended up at the first Beer Near at a storage area for culvert pipes.
One can imagine that this group can amuse themselves with long, cylindrical tubes. Just Andy practiced his Oregonian log rolling techniques and then enhanced the fun by trying to roll over a pumpkin. After a few tries and some teachable moments, he succeeded to crack the pumpkin. There was some discussion on whether the trail should go through the tubes, and this gave the half-minds the brilliant idea to get inside the tubes for a photo opportunity.
Once all members were successfully extracted from the holes, the hashers were off again. Route 175 was the scene of another weekly game of Frogger and all half-minds made it across, then up the side of a hill to the shot check. Fireball was passed around, and true to its name had the pleasantly spicy taste of the Atomic Fireball candy. Another photo by the “Youth Recreation Area” sign (possibly proclaiming “No Alcohol Allowed”) and the crew was heading off through the woods and down the hillside.
Again with another successful game of Frogger on Route 175, the half-minds passed through some minor shiggy and then it got serious. The group found themselves at the bank of a creek. Indeed, hashers had been warned about getting wet, but I don’t think this is what had been imagined. The only option was to go through. The water was frigid and fast moving. Puddle Humper got a lift across, and Just Matt carried Just Lia only to decide she needed to get wet and put her in anyway. The water was deep for some vertically challenged members, but everyone made it across.
A brawl broke out on the other side with Just Lia taking Just Matt down. After watching those two roll around in the wet grass for a bit, the hashers moved on and arrived at the next Beer Near in Marsyphilis Park. The group was now pretty fired up, perhaps from being cold and wet, so when Chunks and Dunks put a floatation seat across his chest it was decided that it made a good target to punch and people started taking shots.
The group was now getting anxious to get moving and back to somewhere warm and dry. The trail very quickly arrived at a Turkey/Eagle junction. Turkey was once again crossing the creek and Eagle went along side. Most hashers decided to brave the cold, fast moving current and found the water to be much deeper. Once on the “Crooked Creek Trail,” the Turkey crew saw that the satisfaction of the Eagle crew was short lived—they had arrived at another T/E: Turkey through the water or Eagle into poison ivy.
While the poison ivy was likely past its peak, most crossed the creek and joined the group—though a few less adventurous souls did not. The joke was on everyone who had crossed as the trail arrived at yet another crossing, deeper than the last. Hares and some hounds helped assure everyone made it down the muddy banks and was safely across. Church bells chimed as the crew arrived in the village of Marsyphilis for the On-In.
There were many accusations in circle. While normally being wet is a good thing, wet and cold was not, so the hares were given appropriate down-downs for the wet, shitty trail. The Veterans were honored for their service. Cheers to our hashers who served our country (and maybe some cuntries too!) and helped us stay free to continue our debauchery. Many other accusations were doled out with down-downs given.
Just Andy also brought a special friend to circle—his pumpkin Horatio, rescued from diving into Crooked Creek. He told us a sad tale, but Horatio’s story got even sadder. Apparently some dogs love to eat pumpkins, and actually become crazed when confronted with a big orange globe. The biggest entertainment was Puddle Humper turning into Pumpkin Humper and have his way with Horatio. It did not end well for Horatio. Finally the cold was too great so the half-minds concluded circle and went to the Alvord House for the On-After.
The jovial group overtook a dining room in the fine establishment and soon found out that the food service would stop in about fifteen minutes at 5:00 PM (on a Saturday night during an SU game?????) and the beer choices were pretty crappy (If we wanted crappy beer, we could have sat outside in the cold and finished the hash beer!). Who chose this place?
Conversation of food led to one of the Just Bills to compare a hot dog to a Slimy Rubber Cock. Hmmm, someone might just have a new name. And so the hash said it was so and Just Bill became Slimy Rubber Cock. With the kitchen closed at the Alvord House and all of the crappy beer gone, the remaining half-minds headed over to the Village Tavern for more beer, food, and revelry.
Happy Veterans Day, wankers!