The tema was run for the border, so hashers prepared with warm thoughts and Margarita wet dreams. Instead we arrived at the Forest of Highlands to find bitter cold winds and threatening snow. ¿Para que mierda frontera? Canada???
Ponchos and sombreros were in abundance for the wicked wind and cold conditions. Kickstand’s Fun Bus was the central gathering ground for pre-lube and at one point there were about a dozen people jammed inside. ¡Apretado en la guagua divertido! Tits and Captain verified that heat does not always rise, but they still enjoyed the unusual vantage point of looking down on everyone.
The usual beers were consumed…PBR, Genny, Coors…but then someone classed it up and brought Extra Gold, as opposed to regular gold (¡Ay, qué oro especial!). The theme was in full effect….and as in life, there were big ones and small ones, but all of them worked just fine—at least for sombreros. And there were plenty of mustaches for no shave Movember! And maracas too! ¡Cha, cha, cha!
The crowd gathered for chalk talk. Just Andy and Just Eric, with support from Kicky, guided us through incomprehensible symbols and a rather confusing description of a game that involved running, chasing, and shots. ¿Qué dijeron?
But chalk talk was mercifully short given the cold weather. ¡Hay qué frío! So off went the medios mentes into the shiggy of the Forest of Highland. The trail—if one would call it that—went up and arriba, but hashers were rewarded with a shot check. Cold tequila or hot cocoa and crème de menthe. ¡Algo para todo el mundo! And then the snow began to fly in earnest.
So back at it—sliding down the bank into a stream and back up the other side. Malditos conejos. There was far too much corriendo and not enough bebiendo. That would be remedied at the first Beer Near which was conveniently located in a lovely cabin—and out of the snow. Since introductions had been skipped over due to the extreme cold, they were now made around the bunk beds at the Beer Near. Everyone introduced themselves and shared their color favorito—which included Clear, Taco Pink, and Golden!!!!
And then we were off. ¡Adelante! After a trail check, everyone headed off confidently in one direction. So it seemed the perfect opportunity for some ladies (incluyéndome a mí) to find a quiet spot in the woods to relieve oneself. Except Kicky kept lingering and asking what was going on, what were we looking for. Can some ladies get some privacy, por favor???
Um, no….because we were peeing on the trail. Literally on the trail. Practically on the flour. Doh. And on came the hash, crashing to the private spot. But soon the trail was lost again and hashers were wandering through the woods looking for harina. Once found, hounds resumed chasing flour and passed some hunters. They did not seem pleased or amused by our debauchery, but we paid them no mind.
Y ahora, la nieve estaba cayendo más fuerte. At this point Pocket’s lube may have been frozen into lube cubes. Eventually, after more obstacles, finalmente we found the second Beer Near outside some cabins. Good conversation warmed our soul, or maybe it was la cerveza.
From there it was a short jaunt to the parking area where we circled up, shivering from the cold. The snow was falling pretty hard, so after down-down to the hares for the camino de mierda, virgins were outed and a couple of other acusaciones were made. And then it was off to the On-After. Initially this was supposed to be the Foggy Goggle at Toggenberg, but poor planning by hares meant it was not open…so plan B went into effect and everyone headed to Knoxie’s for la fiesta después.
Nourishment and refreshment was had at the On-After…as was a rousing juego de “Erotic Spot the Difference” (apparently it’s always the hair or the nipple…). Word spread that someone may have been lost at the hash—and big surprise: IT WAS NOT TOFU (who we managed to hang into in his day-glo yellow jacket). But the worry was short lived when Kicky arrived to tell us that all half-minds had been located.
All in all, un buen día en el rastro. ¡Adelante-adelante!