Rehash #68: Post Shamrock Shenanigans


Hash #68—affectionately known as 69-1, started for many as a r*cist event at the Tipp Hill Shamrock Run.  More than a dozen hashers lined up for the four mile course.  Fortunately Slip and her posse set up a Beer Near and served mimosas and beer in the first mile and just after the halfway mark. And once the r*ce was over the pre-lube began.

Coleman’s was pretty much a shit show—crowded and expensive, so the trail start was moved Upper Decker’s sister’s house. A good sized group showed up and formed a crowded circle in the driveway and Slip gave out some of the leftover awards from the Fat Boy hash and then the hares gave chalk talk was typically incoherent and confusing.  And the hares let it be known that it wasn’t necessarily a short trail.

As the hash took off, they recruited a nice young man who would be the day’s lone virgin.  As a serious r*acist who placed in the top 30 of the Shamrock Run, he was looking for more training.  What he found was so much more.

The half-minds stopped briefly and admired the Stone Throwers statue and Slip generously serviced one of the bronze gentlemen. There was a bunch of running, and bitching about running, and running and bitching.  And finally the crew arrived at the top of a hill for the first Beer Near.

Once satisfied with beer the hash went searching for trail—which of course went down an embankment.  The half-minds slipped, slid, and skidded down the mud and snow and had a rousing game of Frogger on West Genesee Street.  And then came to a grinding halt.  No trail to be found.  With a helpful hint from a hare the crew was on their way and soon stumbled upon the second Beer Near at the residence of Upper Decker’s brother.

Only harriettes were allowed inside for the facilities, and that may have been a mistake when Just Michelle, Pink Taco, and Fakey found a bowl of oranges.  So much fun with citrus—until they were caught by the roommate who walked in and asked, “What are you doing?”  He was advised to peel his fruit before eating it.

Outside various half-minds had found crutches in the garage and were using them for support—some of these wankers had been drinking for some time and maybe actually needed them! A rousing version of “Chicago” was sung and DrySpell proved he was aiming to be a Songmeister with his witty verses.  Deflower declared that a lady came in for crutches, but he wasn’t giving them back.  And then the song wrapped up, crutches were put away, and the hash was On-out!

More running to a failed playground check—hashers were tired of all of this running— and made quick work back to the start. Everyone circled up and our Virgin was introduced.  Just Mike, who then announced he was also Mitch.  A fake name? Who would even do that??? And when Slip asked for a song he began to sing “Waterfalls” by TLC. Seriously.  No one had any idea why, but it was amusing and memorable.

Other down-downs were doled out and there wasn’t a dry lip around.  And then the hash went in peace, hoping for a piece at the Blarney Stone. Instead they found more beer and plenty of food.  The On-after gets blurry—there was exchanging of shirts with partial nudity, a human pyramid, lots of popcorn thrown, a bloody nose, and someone got kicked out.  Another successful night.

Respectfully submitted,

Came with a Fake Name

Rehash #66: 1st Anal CNY WInterHash


What We Learned or Barely Remember From 1st Anal CNY WinterHash
Nurse TaKillYa:
I don’t think she did anything to make the (albeit slight) frostbite from last week any better.
My running tights were soaked up to mid-calf with ice water.
Floss brought baked goods.
Phoenix walked sideways.
There were IH3ers I should have recognized but did not (because apparently IH3ers are haaaaaaappy at every trail.)
Brownie’s necklace got to hash without him.
Kicky was right about fun bus over heated vehicle.
Male Bait was bit in the ass by a dog.
OTD:
Preprelube drinkhiking is fun. You can eat Snowball’s muffin and enjoy Fleshlight’s fudge packing!
If a bar complains after a prelube that we have to move our cars or you will tow us, we may not go back there for the after as planned.
SOH4 created tags look better upside down, and probably will be going forward.
The x-rated snowmen we make are clearly hashers and engage in acceptable hash behavior.
Sometimes hashers can’t help themselves and join in with the snowmen in such behavior. See hashspace for pics of Slip demonstrating this.
As proven at the RDR, we will never be able to understand trails marked in tape. We demonstrated this again.
Slush and thawing lakes make finding flour challenging.  But entertaining.
When we say bring a dry bag… BRING A DRY BAG.  Hashing through wintry water is cold.
Be not alarmed, Chunks made it through all water crossings unscathed.
CAFI remains surprised we are all half minds. We can barely follow arrows.  Actually, I think we didn’t follow an arrow.
If Pocket Full of Lube wipes out on ice, it’s only a matter of time before Self Cock Block does the same. In the exact same spot. (Seriously hope y’all are ok).
Dual Tools will run into a lake and fall in up to his hips. For reasons unknown.
Pizza Ass can wear a white sweatshirt that gets increasingly stained throughout the day.
UC trying to tackle OTD is entertaining and ends well for neither.
Nacho Bitch has lots of ideas about how the day could have gone better!  He may even have signed up FC to host this next year! Thanks Nacho!
Robins Wood is hell bent on making sure there is a burn incident at all major events by firejumping, firewalking, etc. Seriously, Strong isn’t that fun. Trust me.
If there is snow there will be snowballs…
But when throwing a snowball, make sure Tang isn’t behind you.  Otherwise she gets accidentally punched in the face.  Right Male Bait?
SOH4 members will kiss pavement at first sight if forced to go through too much winter shiggy.
Just Rob’s post-trail shoes are for both kinds of music…country and western.
At least he wore shoes and not sandals. As Jackoff and others did post-trail.
Anal still has bitchy resting face, even when having a good time.
Ass Full of White Man still loooooves songs with lots of verses.
Floss likes it when you sing about his balls.
MudMan likes singing.
No matter what after we have planned, at least ten SOH4 will end up at J Ryans eventually.
–Bonus from that after after:  Kicky may be Captain’s father. Captain can fit in a high chair.  Just Rob will unbutton anything you ask him too, Dry Spell will help.
Fakey missed all kinds of fun and will have to hash and rehash again soon!

And if one of the CNY kennels disorganizes a hash in the middle of state, no matter what the weather, a bunch of great people will show up and have a f**king amazing time.

Respectfully submitted,
One Trick Dick, and without her awareness or permission, Nurse TaKillYa

Rehash #65: The F Mid-Winter Fat Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!


Normally a rehash doesn’t get written until a few days later, but honestly, if this doesn’t get written now, then the details of hash #65 are just going to get fuzzier than they already are. There was no Hash Flash, so we may never really have proof about what went down.

Slip and Upper Decker had graciously offered to host to Fat Boy/f-Mid Winter hash at their new digs and the half minds descended upon their home with beer and food. Upper Decker was still at work but Slip welcomed the wankers and chalk talk was held in the garage around 3:69 HST. Jackoff O’Lantern arrived with, um, a frozen turkey. Of course he did. And of course as chalk talk was about to begin, the hash noticed Chunks and Dunks running up the driveway. Better late than never, as always. Slip and Came with a Fake Name scrawled some symbols on the garage floor with ice tea tinted flour and after affirming that indeed, whatever happens is our own f*cking fault, we were off. There was no official theme, but Slip’s extensive wardrobe of capes and tutus was raided, just to make sure folks in her new neighborhood noticed us.

The first check was unrecognizable, and the tea just made the flour look brown and shitty, but Slip realized that most of the hash had parked on a lot of the trail’s first marks. Whoops. So On-hare the hash went through the streets of suburbia. There was much complaining about how long the trail was and how cold. Blah, blah, blah. Suck it up folks After a couple of checks, a false trail, a YBF, and an R7, as well as a whole lot of snow balls and shoving people in the snow—okay mostly Captain, the gang arrived at the Shot Check. It was a delicious combination of chocolate syrup and peppermint schnapps and passing cars must have wondered why a group of such festively dressed people were chugging chocolate syrup from the bottle in front of an abandoned barn. Let ‘em wonder.

From there it was a short trip through knee deep snow to the Slipper Wrecker house. And for many it was literally a trip, crash, or tumble. The half-minds arrived back covered in snow and ready to warm up with a good long circle in the basement. Some hashers decided to hash smarter, not harder and actually pulled chairs up for circle. Yes, really. Slip passed out Hash Hymnals and accusations got underway.

Unbelievably, the hares received down-downs for the brilliant trail, and some extra accusations for head gear. Yes, apparently headbands count. Who said head? Everyone! And of course there were the usual accusations like tech on trail and hash crashing. FRBs and DFLs were recognized ,and Male Bait arrived just in time for circle, so he got a down-down for being a Bobbit. Loonies and Toonies (Wait, who?) was recognized for his fair weather hashing. The lazy hashers did down-downs for, well, being lazy and sitting on their asses during circle. Pink Penalty did a down-down for dry lips. Plenty of accusations for all to make up for all of the half-assed circles this winter.

Then Slip passed out awards to all hashers present and read aloud the awards of those not present. Much laughter ensued as the special prizes were presented and each individual did a down-down. One may be wondering what the awards were—but you just had to be there.

And then the subject of naming came up. The Mismanagement Team had conducted a little impromptu naming at J. Ryan’s during their meeting earlier in the week, and while it was a proper naming with deliberation, singing, and adequate ceremonial activities, it was determined that something more traditional with the whole hash was necessary. So the former Just Luci, christened at J. Ryan’s as Came with a Fake Name, was called into the circle for some questions and once satisfied the hash then brought up the business of naming Just Naoko. She was invited to the circle and questioned and sent away. So many good choices, but after deliberations a decision was made. Just Naoko and Came with a Fake Name were called backo circle . And the hash declared that they would forever be known as Anal-y ze This and Came with a Fake Name. Then the hash went in peace and finally got, “May the hash get a piece” right. There might be hope for these half-minds.

And then the On-after got underway. There was much food and beer and merriment. And more beer, which led to more merriment. Upper Decker arrived home to find his house taken over by hashers and joined in the fun. The Syracuse game had been graciously moved to 7:00 PM to accommodate our hash (Thanks, SU!) and the gang gathered to watch a nail biter and saw Syracuse come away with the W for 25-0!!! As if the mood could not get any better the merriment continued with Cards Against Humanity, Flip Cup, and Beer Pong.

As the evening wore on, a dance party ensued in the basement and PA manned the music wearing safety goggles and somehow managed to provide strobe lights. Bushy Cholera was seen with a cordless drill for no apparent reason. The festivities were in full swing as the night turned into the wee hours of the morning. Though memories began to get fuzzy about the specifics of the evening, they may have been some partial nudity and possibly peeing in some inappropriate places. Fortunately the cops were not called and Slip & Wrecker’s neighbors did not start moving in until the next morning.

In the morning bleary eyed hashers woke up in various nooks and crannies of the house with blistering hangovers. Those who could stomach the idea of food were soothed with Kicky’s pornographic pancakes, coffee, and Advil. And as folks became functional, they slowly dispersed while Slip vacuumed Nerds off every surface of her house and looked for hidden Sports Beans in the dishwasher, on the ceiling fan, and in the powdered creamer. There were also love notes and pornographic drawings left for the hosts to show the hashes appreciation for their hospitality. Who knew Fleshlight was such an artist? By noon most half-minds had gone to suffer through their hangovers in the comfort of their own homes, but at the last report Bushy and Pocket were still not functional and were possibly moving in. And the frozen turkey was resting comfortably in Slip and Wrecker’s bed.

It was a good one, folks.

On-if you weren’t there, you totally missed out-on

Respectfully submitted,

Came with a Fake Name

Rehash #64: Hash Olympics


Hash #64 began…well, actually I have no idea how it began.  I was late and had to resort to other methods to join the hash.  But from what I understand, it was cold, one virgin was introduced, and the Olympic theme was hummed. And then they were off, and apparently really fast because I saw them clambering up the hill when I arrived.  One of the hares, Still Just Lisa, was still there and said they were “just up the hill,” and I passed some illegible marks in the snow that I assumed was a half assed effort at chalk talk, but by the time I got to the top of the slippery slope there was no one except some families sledding.  They eyed me suspiciously in my sequins and fringe. What?!??

I put my hashing thinking cap on and looked for marks, but only saw an arrow. Are all arrows true? Sometimes.  Was this one true? Well that is anyone’s guess, as it seemed to lead to nowhere. WTF?  This is hashing people, not an actual Olympic r*nning event.  At this point I called Still Just Lisa who came to pick me up and she autohashed me to the Shot Check at a playground.  I made it in time to be in the group shot. Ah, but enough about me (and this is exactly why you, dear reader, should volunteer to hash scribe!)

The Olympic theme was in full swing.  Lots of skiers as indicated by many ski goggles. Still Just Lisa had a full skier’s ensemble and Tweedle You also ran with ski poles which proved to be awkward. Tweedle Me was having some sort of identity crisis and had a Rasta hat with dreadlocks and an Italian flag cape. Figure skaters were represented as well, and Slip had a fine handcrafted tutu and Just Luci sported more sequins than should be allowed on a middle aged woman.  And of course Pleasantly Average wore the traditional Olympic costume— denim overalls. I know, I don’t get it either.

After shots of pleasant clear liquor were passed around and the half-minds had their fill of playground antics, they were On-out. There was some confusion and false trails and eventually the group headed off to towards Teall and arrived at the first Beer Near at Dr. Drinks Alone’s house. Keystone was passed around and around here another autohasher showed up late—not surprisingly Chunks and Dunks, sporting a red onesie with a butt pocket. He said it was supposed to be a speed skater, but I’m not so sure. Then the hares announced that the Hash Olympic Games would commence.  The first was a competitive limbo contest. Fortunately the snow made for a soft landing for some of the less flexible wankers.  Just Shannon and Tweedle Me had a heated competition but Tweedle Me ultimately prevailed.  Then the high jump began.  At this point the sun was getting lower and it was cold, so focusing on the event was hard.  I’m not sure who won, but I did see Deflower City sporting a medal. Addendums welcome.

After the medal ceremony, the hash was On-out again and ran to the next Beer Near which was at Snidely Whipass’s house—andINSIDE! There was delightfully spiked mulled cider and everyone’s favorite orange food.  Special shots were poured for Slip, Tweedle Me, and Mudman to celebrate their birthdays. I do not believe anyone was picked up or dropped. A rousing version of Chicago was sung, CAFI’s camera was highjacked, and in general everyone was warm and happy and probably would have been content to say f*ck the rest of the trail and just have the On-After there.  But alas, there was more trail and circle ahead, so back into the cold and fading daylight. 

At the On-In something that didn’t remotely resemble a circle was formed. The hares, Dr. Drinks Alone, Tweedle You, and Still Just Lisa, were called in to receive appropriate down-downs for their shitty trail.  A lone Virgin, Just Bryan, was introduced, and once again Pleasantly Average made the virgin cum. Accusations were made for autohashing and hash crashing, as well as some other half-mind infractions, and then more serious business was presented. Just Lisa, sadly self-proclaimed as Still Just Lisa, was called to the circle and questioned.  When the hash had sufficiently gathered information she was sent away and the potential names were discussed.  When Still Just Lisa was called back to the circle, the hash declared her to be Dominanaltrix for her no nonsense approach to getting things done.  She was appropriately welcomed and then the hash was advised to go in peace, and once again screwed up the response of “May the hash get a piece.”  Oh, silly half-minds!

The On-After was at Chadwick’s on James Street where much food, beer, and camaraderie was enjoyed. 

On-there are no serious hashers at the Olympics?-on!

Respectfully submitted,

Just Luci

Rehash #63: In Search of Tail (gates)


Hash #63 started in the University area at Barry Park.  In celebration of the big Syracuse vs. Duke game, the theme was Go Cuse! Beat Duke! And our mission was to crash some tail gate parties on trail. Hashers were treated to typical shitty Syracuse weather—gray, cold, and damp.  Of course these half minds had the perfect elixir for shitty weather—equally shitty beer and lots of it!

The hash was RA-less, as Slip had tickets to the big game, so half-minds made due. Chalk talk was led by Captain Cock Cuntroller and Kneegina. The funny thing was that chalk talk was unusually legible symbols, but the damp flurries of the day would pretty much obliterate any semblance of legibility on trail. Orange was well represented at circle and the hash welcomed a few virgins. Kneegina’s famous last words were, “It’s a short, flat trail.”

The virgins looked relieved, while the regular crew smirked knowingly.  As if. So off went the half-minds into Meadowbrook Park. The ground was snow covered and it was quite slippery, so there was a lot of slipping and sliding and a few hash crashes.  Yes, Shark Week, I am talking to you.

And there was a lot of running.  WTF? This is a drinking club!  But on we snaked around Meadowbrook and crossed back to Broad.  Unbelievably the hash ran past a playground and didn’t stop for a picture or any juvenile antics. These people were thirsty!

There was a check on Kensington, with one of the options being a ridiculously steep hill, or not a steep hill.  Knowing it was unlikely that we’d be going anywhere but up, most people ignored the check and headed up the hill, including the hares.  At the top we were rewarded with a Beer Near and snacks at the little parking area.  The views would have been lovely if the fog was not obscuring everything.

Kickstand had caught up to us at the Beer Near, shocked that the hash had started on time. On out was called and the half-minds headed down the stairs, which were not cleared off, so most skidded down with various levels of grace.  The FRBs waited at the bottom and started pegging snowballs at the descending hashers.  Soon an all out snowball fight started.

At this point I have absolutely no memory of where we went or what we saw.  If anything funny happened, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was the Miller High Life, maybe I took a snow ball to the head.  Regardless, the next thing I recall about this trail is arriving in Thornden Park at the water tower and heading down into some shiggy and arriving at a field where half-minds were furiously engaged in building with the snow.  A snowman? Um, no…

No, not surprisingly they were building a giant anatomically correct snowman’s package. It was truly a work of art—so realistic, and after Pink Taco mounted it and Fleshlight got violated by it, the rest of the hash members posed with the snow member. And then on to main campus where we still hoped to crash a tailgate.

On campus the group really did not look that odd compared to the rest of the Orange fans milling about.  There seemed to be no tailgates worth crashing, but no worries, the hares made sure we had our own in a parking lot on Harrison Street and the second Beer Near. 

After the Beer Near, the crew headed up towards Marshall Street where we learned that Jesus Saves and we are sinners.  Um, yeah, we knew that last part.  And just like a miracle from above, the hash was saved—by our RA, Slip and Swallow.  She graced us with her presence and we told the street corner preachers our version of how Jesus Saves.  As one could imagine, this brought out a few curious on-lookers and as one gentleman pulled out his camera, Slip came flying from the other side of the circle and pretty much bitch slapped him.  He was informed, “No pictures, man!” much to his disappointment. 

We bid Slip farewell and headed up to the Quad where we had a Picture Check with the Ernie Davis  statue.  Pink Taco was Hash Flash for the day and was decked out in an orange and blue tutu.  As she took the group shot, we noticed an Orange fan coming closer with the same exact tutu!  Picture worthy for sure!

Then Just Luci tried to get everyone to come to the Dome to do the Freshmen Stomp—where one stands between the concrete pillars and stomps, and is rewarded with a funny sound that legend says was used in the original Star Wars.  Reviews were mixed. Golden Snowball gave it thumbs up, while Captain said it sucked.

The stompers caught up to the hash as we raced against the flow of the crowd and off of main campus to Comstock.  Trail took us left by a severe looking stone building that upon further inspection turned out to be a crematorium and mausoleum. Super creepy! We headed into the woods behind it and found a check.  Up hill or down?  What do you think???

The hash ascended and more snow balls were thrown, a snowman with private parts was built and we arrived at a graffiti laden water tower and enjoyed a shot check of the oh-so-appropriate Orange Vodka.  Then we headed down more slippery steps and made our way back to the On-In.

Circle consisted of some accusations for the hares for their shitty trail, and down-downs for hash crashes, peeing on trail, no orange apparel, and head gear, among other sins against the hash.  Virgins were welcomed and without a proper RA we went in piece pretty quickly.  On-After was to be a Taps, but after pondering hanging out at a cash only bar with draconian ID policies, it was declared, “F*ck Taps!” and the new On-After was at the unofficial SOH4 HQ— aka J Ryan’s.

With the crew warm and dry and well nourished at J. Ryans’s, we enjoyed the Syracuse vs. Duke game right through to the heart stopping last second shot to tie it in regulation and on into victory in overtime. A number of Bobbits showed up, including Just Pat who left the Dome during the game (seriously!), and PA, PCP, as well as Slip and her sisters who all came after the game.  The SOH4 celebrated the victory properly!

On-CUUUUUUUSE-On,

Respectfully submitted,

Just Luci

Rehash #61: Destination DestiNY


Hash #61 began as most winter hashes do, with a small group huddled around with rapidly freezing beer and questioning where the hell are all the people that RSVP’d for this shindig???  Slowly the group began to arrive at the Solar Street parking lot of DestiNY USA and soon we had a nice sized group of half-minds for our DestiNY adventure.

Chalk talk was conducted by hares Pleasantly Average and Professor Crash Pants.  Lots of half formed letters and symbols left the hounds with no idea what was in store, except ID’s were required and there would be a special $4 adventure inside the mall, and DO NOT GO ON THE RAILROAD BRIDGE.

And then the hash was off through the fresh snow along the banks of the picturesque creek.  Some eyed it nervously worrying that trail might go through the creek, but alas the hares were not that diabolical.  At one point nearly everyone made a sharp left and continued running until the hares called them back for a missed song check under the Bear Street overpass. The name of the song, you may be wondering?  No freaking idea, as my brain was frozen.

And then trail resumed and we ran parallel to Bear Street and came to a check at the intersection with Solar Street.  The passing cars looked curiously, including a police car, as much of the pack stood on the curb and waited for an indication of which way was true trail.  Soon we realized we would be heading back towards DestiNY, so the pack regrouped and headed in that direction.  Or at least almost everyone did. More on that later.

Trail headed to the enclosed bridge to the mall and inside PCP read the half-minds a riddle with a clue to the bar for the Beer Near.  What did the riddle say?  I have no idea, my brain was frozen.  But the answer was Toby Keith’s and the group eagerly made their way into the warmth of the mall and the awaiting beer and ‘Cuse game. Frozen half-minds slowly thawed.

At Toby Keith’s the hash was treated to 16 ounce cans of PBR and enjoyed the opening half of the ‘Cuse game.  While enjoying the Beer Near, Dry Spell suddenly arrived and we learned that he had been outside running around trying to find the hash, and that we had not had everyone when the true trail headed back to the mall.  Or maybe we found him after the next adventure.  I don’t remember, my brain was still frozen.

PCP announced that anyone who wanted an extra adventure could go to the Amazing House of Mirrors for the astounding bargain price of $4.00—normally a $10 value.  So all but two hashers took her up on the offer.  It turns out that the price was actually $4.30 because of tax—hey isn’t the SOH4 a tax exempt charity saving half-minds from obesity, loneliness, and unnecessary thirst?

But despite the indignation of paying the extra 30 cents, the half-minds happily donned their plastic food handler’s gloves and entered the mirrored maze—a spectacle of black lighting, fluorescent paint, and endless mirrors.  It was pretty comical to see everyone walking along waving their hands in front of them, trying to feel their way around for “true trail.”  It was decided that indeed it was worth the $4 and that it would have been even better with flour markings and beer hidden or perhaps a shot check. Maybe next time.  It was also kind of short, so when a group of half-minds found the exit, they turned around and went back in to prolong the fun.

But alas, there was still more trail, and more importantly more beer to be had, so the group returned to Toby Keith’s to get Male Bait and Just Naoko and then headed back out into the cold.  The trail went down by the rail road tracks and some folks stayed outside the chain link fence and some wankers wentinside, which meant they were running right along the side of a freight train. While it was not moving, there was a train clearly running nearby so no one lingered—just in case it started to move.  It also meant that the fence had to be scaled to rejoin the group.  After a few folks had awkward moments displaying a lack of athleticism and agility climbing the fence (okay, so it was just me), the group was once again together.

Snow ball fights ensued and Slip and Golden Snowball made snow angels and then we slid down an embankment to rejoin the creekwalk to the lake. Onondaga Lake was the polluted backdrop for the second Beer Near.  Slip led the hash in a rousing version of Days of the Week and maybe some other songs.  I’m not entirely sure since my brain was freezing again.

Then we headed back, heeding the grave warning to not go on the railroad bridge.  It was a straightforward jaunt back to the parking area and the group circled up, or at least formed something circle like.  Slip was going to repeal the head gear rule, but then it was decided that everyone should just do a down-down for head gear and get it out of the way. The hares were punished for a shitty trail: not cold enough, too much flour, not enough snow, etcetera.  Virgins were introduced…though who they were, I cannot recall as my brain was still frozen…someone Flesh Flaps made cum and someone PA made cum.

Winter circles are becoming notoriously short, but the group made a diligent effort to try and dole out appropriate accusations. The circle had to move frequently for approaching cars in the parking lot and some people stared at us in horror as we sang our songs and reminded hashers that what does go in you goes on you.  There were some apologies to families as they passed by. By this point everyone’s brains were freezing so the hash went in piece, but not before having to repeat “May the hash get a piece” a few times until they finally got it right.  What do you expect?  We were half-minds with frozen brains so we were working with severely reduced capacity.

We eagerly made our way back to the mall.  The On-After was first to be at World of Beer, then it was decided Dave & Buster’s, then Toby Keith’s, but after various snafus we finally we ended up at Revolution with big TVs and good beer and food.  Brains thawed, beer and food were consumed, and ‘Cuse hung on in an exciting win over Pitt.  All was right in the world. On-on!

Respectfully submitted,

Just Luci

Choir Practice: Tampon Factory


Song. of. the. week. returns!

I have been horribly negligent at providing new songs despite rampant road whoring. So here we go… in honor of this post from Taco [see lustserv], here is a song for this week called Tampon Factory.  Some of you may have heard the HMH3 wankers drop this like it’s warm, two verses and a chorus repeat until sober…

You can tell by her smell, that she isn’t feeling well,
When that time of the month comes around.
You can tell from the red that you won’t be getting head
When that time of the month comes around.
(Chorus) Cause it’s hi, hi, hee at the Kotex factory,
Shout out your sizes loud and clear (loud and clear),
We’ve got small, medium, large, we’ve got ones to fill-a-barge,
When that time of the month comes around!

You can tell by her string, you won’t be doing anything,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her sheet, that you won’t be getting meat,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her rope, that you haven’t got a hope,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her frown, that you won’t be going down,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her taste, that it isn’t salmon paste,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her moaning, that she’s losing hemoglobin,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her feel, that she’s starting to congeal,
When that time of the month comes around.

You can tell by her reek, that it must be Dawson’s Creek!
When that time of the month comes around.

(there are many more for those inclined to look them up)

-OTD

Our Next Hash Is…


Monday, April 14 @ 5:69pm, 109 Lamont Ave in Solvay
It’s Karaoke Time!

Join Utica Chub, Magical Dickslit, and Male Bait as the wander us through Solvay for the first ever Karaoke hash!

Hares: Utica Chub, Magical Dickslit, and Male Bait
Location: 109 Lamont Ave, Syracuse, NY
Hash time: 5:69 (6:09 nerd time)
Hash Cash: $5, Virgins Free!
On-After: Singers

*Note: For this hash, and all hashes going forward, please bring your ID! Our hashes are open to all those of you of legal drinking age.

First hash? YAY! We’re so glad you picked this one! We are a non-competitive running club focused on having a ton of fun! Be ready for a fun adventure. Bring your sense of humor but leave your new shoes at home.

Can’t make this week? No worries! Visit our Calendar page for all our upcoming runs!

Rehash #57: The Longest Night


The Longest Night Hash marked the Winter Solstice, but the weather was anything but wintry. It felt like March with mild temperatures and a light rain. The trail started in Radisson, which still had a fair amount of snow remaining on the ground, but that would deteriorate along with our sobriety.

In honor of the longest night of the year, half-minds showed up in pajamas and Deflower City even brought his teddy bear. Once again Kickstand’s fun bus was the place to be and nine people jammed inside to await the start of the hash. It was a good sized crowd and soon Slip called us together to form a circle. Instead it was more like an amoeba, but it didn’t matter. The hares included Cum and Feel It, Flesh Flaps, Just Mike, Just Missy Z, and Bushy Cholera, and they gave a….um, spirited and thoroughly confusing chalk talk and then the hash was off like a prom dress.

Radisson is a lovely planned community with plenty of paved walkways, definitely not intended for the likes of the SOH4. There was a lot of running around, stopping, checking, and running around some more. A playground and wet snowball fight was a highlight, but soon we half-minds were craving something more— beer!

It was an eerie scene as the crowd sloshed our way across a fog laden golf course. At last the group was rewarded with a Bear Near! The hares had a special treat planned and led the half-minds in a lovely Hashmas Carol—“The Twelve Days of Hashmas.” It recounted all of the wonderful gifts from a hooker, starting with a scorching case of VD and ending with twelve twitching twats. The rest will be left to the imagination! Just Andy also got acquainted with another pumpkin, perhaps a long lost kin to Horatio?

And then it was off for more slogging through slush to a muddy Shot Check. Goldschläger warmed the hashers along with more Hashmas Carols. There was also a discussion on how much gold is actually in the schnapps, whether it could cause heavy metal poisoning if one drank the entire bottle, and if it caused golden showers.

Then, oddly enough, there was more running. Running and checking, along with standing around in puddles, watching the hares for any signs of true trail. After a particularly wet romp through snow, slush, and muck—and the loss and recovery of an iPhone (someone had a lucky day!), the half-minds arrived at the second Beer Near for more beer, snacks, and Hashmas Carols.

Then it was off again. Most of the group hashed smarter, not harder and ran the easy way back to the On-In. The other group took off back through the mucky swamp, crossed a slushy creek, and ended up on the golf course for the last Shot Check, where the hares “Released the Kracken!” Lessons were given how to drink it Kentucky style, or side-winding and this festive group met up with the rest of the group for the final circle.

Needless to say, there were a few accusations about the trail. Virgins were welcomed, including a bear, and Magical Dickslit was toasted for his birthday. Then the hash got word that there had been some complaints by the residents about the noise level of our debauchery, so circle was moved the other side of the clubhouse, where accusations continued. After various down-downs were doled out to deserving parties. Just Andy, in all of his one-piece pajama glory, was finally named and shall be known as Jackoff O’ Lantern.

And then the half-minds went to the On-After in the clubhouse as the last bit of light faded and enjoyed more merriment to begin celebrating the Longest Night.

On-On!

Respectfully submitted,

Just Luci

 

 

Addendum: it was indeed a side-side birthday for Magical Dickslit. Instead of the side-side, however, he got dropped-dropped, and then doused in copious alcohol from him head to his mouth to his white-as-snow stomach. Happy birthday fucker.

On-let-the-record-show-I-wasn’t-involved- On

Slip

Rehash #56: The MAD Ho! Ho? Who You Calling a Ho?


So this may have been a disastrous hash because of the blizzard.  On the other hand, it may have been the most awesome hash ever because of the blizzard.  I might be a little biased because I was one of the hares, along with Deflower City. Welcome to the rehash of the Mad Ho! Ho? Who You Calling a Ho?

Folks were slow to arrive  at Stoney Pond State Forest in East Bumblef*ck Madison County, but Just Eric made it and  partook in Old Mill in camouflage cans (it was hunting season afterall…) Then Slip arrived and her first words were to ask if we were serious.  Just who you don’t want to piss off—the RA. Okay, so maybe it had started snowing pretty hard and the road to the campground wasn’t exactly plowed, and maybe 8-10” more snow was predicted.  But it would be fine.  What could go wrong?

It took awhile for people to arrive, but soon we had a nice little group of about just under twenty people.  Pretty much the reaction had been the same as Slip’s.  Along the lines of “WTF???? Where are we? And how the hell are we getting out later?”  But were festive and ready to have a good time. One Trick Dick got naked in the parking lot, Bushy Cholera had a dress on, there were a few reindeer antlers, some elf hats, and Still Just Lisa was dressed as a fine Holiday Ho with an iridescent boa and sparkly pink Santa hat.  Snidely got a call from CAFI who was having automobile issues and informed us that she would meet us at the On-After. We had two notable guests—Fore Play from the Holy Land Hash in Israel and Just Andy brought a Virgin. The party was just beginning!

Deflower City gave chalk talk.  He slapped down some white flour.  The half-minds went half-crazy thinking  that the hares had set trail with white flour in a blizzard.  We didn’t, but we let them wonder.  So after explaining that there would be a couple of YBF’s, maybe an R something, and J checks, a true arrow was set which Just Lisa’s dog Lola (also dressed as a Holiday Ho) began to eat.

The crew looked around for trail and the hares realized that the snow would be covering up marks, so after the hash struggled a bit the hares got them started. The flour was colored with Kool-Aid, but it was covered in snow in quite a few spots. It didn’t take long to find the first YBF. And then the R5, and another YBF. The only clear instruction was that we would NOT be going out onto the frozen pond.  Of course that did not mean trail wouldn’t cut through the drainage and cross a stream. Fortunately the first beer near was just on the other side.

As we sipped rapidly freezing beer and noshed on chip and candy canes, what to our wondering eyes should appear? Chunks n’ Dunks and two Tweedles running across the mucky area. Deflower City had made sure to mark trail. In reality despite finding 2 YBF’s and an R5, the group was still pretty close to the parking area. Being a holiday hash, we took the opportunity to sing some Hashmas Carols, including one about a Bright Mistress.

But then we were On-Out and upon another check. And another YBF.  And another check.  An another YBF.  Finally the group started making forward progress around the pond.  Just Pete was the FRB and found the first J check.  He ran back to meet the DFL, Tweedle You and they shared a shot together.  And then we were off again.  It was quite picturesque in the woods, so much so that the group  completely ran by the Song Check, but they did find another YBF.

At the Shot Check they found something special—bullet casings, so they were used as shot glasses for the honey whiskey and the peppermint schnapps. One Trick got the crowd warmed up with some songs. And then we were off to another YBF – but the half minds had blown past another J Check and had to get it on the way back.  This time Tweedle Me and Honey Boo Boo shared the honors. And then another check with, surprise, another YBF! Did this group miss any of them? Maybe just one.  Pocket Full of Lube was also pleased to find some Bridges of Madison County on trail.

At this point one of the hares (ahem, not gonna mention who…) got detained with more bullet shots and shenanigans with Just Pete and Tweedle Me.  Technically they were On-Hare, so no one was lost, but when we missed the last check and didn’t show up at the second Beer Near, Deflower City got concerned and came back for us.  We ran back to the group and from there it was a short trip to the parking area via another YBF.  The daylight was waning and it was still snowing steadily, so hashers were instructed to vote for the Best Reindeer, Elf, and Holiday Ho and it was decided that circle would be at the On-After which was close by. 

IF.WE.EVER.GOT.THERE.ALIVE.

The pack headed out and the good news was that no one had any issue getting up the snow covered driveway.  The bad news? A car turned and slid into a ditch. Fortunately Pocket Full of Lube is never without lube and— as we found out, he has straps too. A man prepared for anything! Soon the SOH4 men had the car unstuck and we were on our way again.

Roads were snow covered and travel was slow, but then we saw the sign for North Lake Road, the site of our destination. Well, not exactly.  A seasonal road, not plowed December 1 to April 1. WTF? After a phone call to the bar, we headed back out and found out that was the extension road. Once safely inside the warm bar, CAFI greeted us.  She had spent the afternoon communing with the locals.  Prize ballots were counted and awards were given. Winners had to be present to win and we had lost some of our group heading to the On-After, so Best Reindeer was Pocket, the Best Elf was Slip, and the Best Ho was Bushy Cholera.  Still Just Lisa could have won if her dog had not taken a vote from her.

With the weather deteriorating the group decided to forego circle all together and save accusations for a later date. Safety third and all, shitty trail is one thing, but with shitty roads safety got a little boost. We lost no hashers on this adventure. I’m sure down-downs will come eventually. 

It was a MAD time in Madison County.  Happy HO-lidays.

Respectfully submitted,

Just Luci