Hashers in Wonderland,
starring a record 77 SOH4 Hashers (15 virgins!)
Just Ezra, Just Julian, and Just Andy had grown bored of the mundane shiggy trails, poison ivy patches, and false trails these experienced hashers had grown so accustomed to. Just Ezra longed for a trail he could bike to, Just Julian wanted to find a nice harriette to take home, and Just Andy just wanted a name. While these three lamented, a white rabbit named Pleasantly Average appeared, claiming that he “was late, was late for a very important date with PCP and Vomit Commit.” Leaving his family behind, he told the three young men he was an accomplished hare who would show these novices things they had never seen before in the world of hashing. They followed him down the rabbit hole to the wonderland of Camillus, NY.
After a day of wandering around the haunted artillery, setting false trails, getting lost in the woods, and losing their keys, the crew finally had set the wonderful trail the rabbit had promised them.
The next day, seventy-eight hashers gathered from all over wonderland to see the trail the foursome had set. So many came that cars were parked all through magical land. There was a barrel full of beer that said “DRINK ME,” and countless virgins carrying signs that said “EAT ME”. These magical elixirs sated the hashers until they set out to find the trail, not knowing what wondrous creatures they would encounter along the way.
As the hashers made their way through some grassy shiggy, a magical, grinning Just Julian, the Cheshire cat, appeared at a shot check with a bottle of whiskey. The cat told the hashers they must continue on their journey, in search of more enchanting beverages. With little flour in sight, the hashers continued until they came upon the location of their mad tea party. To get to this mad place, hashers had to make the difficult choice: would they follow turkey or eagle? Beer was the drink of choice at this mad tea party, so many chose the route that would take them there the fastest. Just Tim (yellow shirt) was lighting the way with his cock light as the hashers approached. They climbed the wonderland artillery, enjoying their mad beverages, singing verses of their favorite hash songs (“Whip it Out” and “Meet the Hashers”). They sang for the local onlookers we will call the March Hare and the Hatter, who were enjoying some magical McDonald’s treats on that fine evening.
After this mad party, hashers continued running in search of more beverages. Running through glass shards and rock pits, the hashers stumbled upon more beer, despite being constantly distracted (in a good way) by the nearly naked bodies of Cummando Cobbler, Flesh Flaps, and Just Matt. Mudman led the group in a rousing version of “Yo Ho,” aimed at the Queen of Hearts, Dr. Drinks Alone. Unimpressed with Mudman’s antics, Drinks Alone proclaimed, “off with his head”.
On their way back to the on after in the wonderland of the townie dive bar that is Aerhin’s Pub, hashers Turtle Dick and Honey Boo Boo splashed in the mud making sure everyone got dirty and wet that night. When hashers arrived, the circle was made, down downs were given, virgins got drunk, and hares got named. In wonderland that night, Just Ezra was named Keyhole, Just Andy was named Tom Diddle, and Just Julian was named Morning Glory Hole.
After the magical elixirs, pizza, and wings, many hashers awoke the next morning wondering if the previous night had been a dream. Memories were foggy, they didn’t recognize their surroundings. They had such a fun night it could have only been a fairy-tale.
Doctor Drinks Alone (aka: Queen of Hearts)