A Hash Down Memory Lane Otherwise Known as the SOH4 ONE YEAR ANALVERSARY
It’s been 1 year of debauchery for the SOH4 kennel and there was a need to find misplaced memories for older members and to share history with newer members. Slip and Swallow, Dr. Drinks Alone, et al had promised a run not so similar to the past yet highlighting all the significant underachievement of the hashers. We started this intrepid trip in an alley by Down Under Leather, a perfect place for misdirection, a yeti and vodka laced Jell-O in multiple colors (or was it one color and we had a little too much?). After the legal disclaimer we were off and running. At first it looked like a rehash of 2 weeks ago but then Slip veered us off and onto the grounds of a dorm for the first memory.
MEMORY #1 (The Monster Hash): Slip mentioned that on the hash in question there was the first ever attempt at a pyramid and that with 3 times the people we could do a more spectacular one now. Did we succeed, not so much but we tried. 79 people with everyone wanting to be a bottom and no one wanting to be a top made for only a two layer pile of bodies but fun was had, laughs were had and people watching from the building were wondering what the fuck was going on in there yard.
We then coursed through the public works area to the top of Oakwood Cemetery and tried to speed down the will while dodging gravestones. It was general amazement that there were no hash crashes reports. We then discovered the second memory marker.
MEMORY #2 (Dive In): Slip brought out a pail of water and called forth Chunks and Dunks as well as Turtle Dick to reenact the fateful scene from whence came Chunk’s naming. It was a ritualistic affair of Chunk’s almost drowning and then when pulled on board blowing chunks. Many hashers were disappointed that there were no chunks blown this time.
We then proceeded another couple of hundred yards and Kickstand decided shot were in order and shots of Limoncello were had. We had been followed for a while by a red car and we invited them to hear us sing. We sang a spirited version of meet the hashers and they seemed to speed off, rather odd we thought. Virgin to SOH4 and ex-rugby player Just Mark proved that while hash songs were extreme, rugby songs can provide disturbing images with his rendition of “I Love Nancy Reagan”. I am not sure if it was the Jell-O, the limoncello or the song but many a stomach turned and we on-outed immediately. Many of us left the trail to run up to the pyramid and a brave soul or two even tried to climb it before we ran up a small hill and into the woods where there was the Beer Near located by a Lion grave marker and a bench.
MEMORY #3 (First Ever BN): Slip told of the first time SOH4 gathered for run where it mostly began with a smaller group that seemed to fit the space easier. Most of us didn’t hear as we were trying to get a hold of the beer. After slaking our hard earned first Just Ned tried to faux feline fornication with the lion statue while others came up with some real bad jokes with Tits McSmart leading the joke off. Tweedle Me, in perfect Tweedle fashion, told one atrociously bad, laughter ensued, and we were off.
We continued a downward trek for a while with a lot of us getting lost around the old chapel. This was due to being told the trail could be marked with toilet paper and from the looks of it, we had found a cesspool full of it. Moving along back on course we came out behind a dormitory which lead to another memory marker.
MEMORY #4 (April Fool’s or When The Beer Got Stolen): Pleasantly Average and Professor Crash Pants regaled us with the Easter/April fools hash where he set up the Beer Near and someone had stolen it. The lady in question read about it during SOH4’s moment of fame, and for penance returned the beer in the form of a good craft beer – see rehash #31. To celebrate this, Easter eggs were given to the hashers with rabbit turds (milk duds) in them. The hashers found a better use for the eggs, using them to pelt the one who got the beer stolen.
Off we went again, down the street, following the hare, dying for beer when we see our objective. After a few minutes of delay while waiting for the cops to clear out of lot so we could open Slip’s car and having to see One Trick Dick strip, the Beer Near was accomplished and our old friend, the pepperoni, made its sexual return.
Memory #5 (Dance, Dance, Dance): Running Commentary instantly grabbed the light pole and started to pole dance just like the night we on-aftered at Candy’s Hillside. The pepperoni once again was in a place which now makes many of us doubtful about eating it again and the dancer even got tipped. Everyone had a good laugh thinking the end should be near. Needless to say the hares weren’t done yet.
While we had to run across the way to Walnut Park, Slip decided to take her car. There were many stares as we ran across the business area but once at the park, another memory marker appeared.
Memory #6 (Whip IT Out at the Ballgame): The legend of the Yeti was explained and tied into kickball hashing. A very hot a tried yeti went into details about the importance of this hash. The rest was short because the hard part was to come.
The on-out was a full run up the hill to Thornden Park, 2 city blocks of 50 degree climb that even the fastest FRB had to slow down. This was one of the shortest distances ran this evening but in many people’s opinion ended up with the best reward and the last memory marker.
Memory #7 (Holiday Ho Ho Hobo Hash): two drawings of Christmas ornaments were produced as the tale of the 8-mile Christmas hash was relived. A similarity of length was brought up by some but was put to an end quickly when everyone was reminded of the prize at the end. On cue, Kickstand brought out the Goldslager and there was much rejoicing. After several decent sized shots, Kicky and Tits McSmart took at 10 minute head start to live hare the end of the hash.
We were off, we were running, WE WERE LOST! Many of us ended up in the Thornden Park Rose Garden and managed to interrupt a couple there. I guess it isn’t romantic to see a lot of hashers scouring the area for a trail as the couple fled or sight. Eventually we realized we were fucked and eventually found true trail back to the Marshall Street parking lot. Slip supplied the beer (YEAH BEER!), acquisitions were issued, virgins were fully fucked up and a yeti (Bestialayeti: the hasher formerly known as Weak Knees) got renamed and showered. ON after was at Faegans where cheap bud light was had, stories were told, and eventually the M Street area was raided for food. I am not sure if it was a good hash or an ok hash, but why did I wake up the next morning hearing Slip singing “Brother Hasher” in my sleep?
Respectfully submitted,
Just Tim
