At the Inaugural Syracuse On-on-dog-a Hash House Harriers and Harriettes Red Dress Run, we are pleased to announce that we raised $1,850 for Syracuse’s Vera House! Thank you to all who came out and supported us and let’s do it again next year!
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It was a beautiful day for a run. Grey skies promising impending doom. And the hashers began to gather. One by one, red dresses started to fill the bar until there was nothing as far as the eye could see but a sea of red sparkles, feathers and chiffon. And that was just the guys.
Sign-in was chaos as everyone collected their mardi gras beads from me and raffle tickets from Tits McSmart for the days’ festivities. There were even six virgins who chose this as their premier run. Fools we all thought, we’ll never see them again. Food flowed freely, with shrimp cocktail, cheese doodles and lots of candy for everyone.
As we gathered for circle, we were all reminded of why we were there. To help Vera House, a very worthy organization who helps women and children in distress. And also to drink. So we toasted. And then we toasted. And then we toasted again. Before this run, our beloved Kickstand gave out necklaces to some of our newly named hashers. It was about fifteen minutes before we began running. And it started to rain.
We finished chalk talk, and the guys tied up the trains of their ball gowns and we poured out of Holmes Pub (which, by the way, is no longer Holmes Pub, it’s the Penny). Pink Penalty stepped out the door and opened his lovely floral umbrella. Hashers went left, and hashers went right until true trail was found. The first leg of the trail led us around the longest block in Syracuse, and, when we were done, we were less than 200 feet from door of the pub we just left. Resisting the urge to get in out of the rain, we pressed on.
Our first stop was an unplanned shot stop. Some fool gave the Tweedles the prize for the trivia contest planned for the first beer near (a bottle of gummy flavored vodka. Yes, you read that right. Gummy. Flavored. Vodka.), and somehow, and no one knows how (we’re all looking at you Tweedle Me), the bottle got opened! Not being a particular fan of the gummy candy varieties, I passed on this delicacy, but fear not, the bottle was nearly gone before we all moved on. And then it began to rain a little harder.
Thanks to the crafty hares, Floppy, Ass Over Venus and Just Sue, true trail remained elusive. Whether it was the rain, the impossible to find duct tape markings or the fact that one of the hares may have been toasting a little too much before setting trail (Floppy?), we all ran more than one false trail. Never the mind though, because everywhere we ran, we were greeted by cheers and honking car horns as we raced through the city. It was along this point that I learned an interesting fact. For whatever reason, Ass over Venus prefers that when her name is shortened, it be Venus, not Ass. Go figure…
We arrived at the first beer near, and it was the classiest beer near we have ever been at. Crackers and dip were passed around on trays, the finest of confections were laid out on cookie platters, and rye dip with meat was clearly labeled for our vegetarian hashers. And the beer flowed, bottles and cans. As we gathered in teams, P.O., looking particularly fetching in his red flapper dress, passed out the trivia questions to each team. While we all might have a competitive nature to us, when it comes to trivia, we proved that we all suck. One team proudly boasted sucking the worst, and it was the Green team who took home that prize. We downed our beers and headed for the door. As we did, it began to rain harder.
We ran to our picture stop, the fountain at Clinton Square. In true hasher fashion, nearly everyone ran into the water and over to the fountain. Being that were all wet anyway, it certainly seemed the thing to do. A few brave souls including Cum and Feel It dared to stay out of the water so that there would actually be someone to take the pictures. Lots of photos were taken, memories immortalized forever in digital.
Between the rain and the fountain, everyone left the picture stop soaked and Slip was so wet that she was particularly slippery. As we ran past the blue horse by Key Bank, she decided to go for a ride. She was given a leg up to mount the horse, but the boost was so strong that she got her leg over the top of the beast and slipped off the other side! Pocket Full of Lube thankfully kept his lube in his pocket, and gave her a more gentle boost so she could go for a quick pony ride. Pictures were taken and she quickly dismounted before the police were called.
We arrived at the second beer near where we drank more beer, ate more food, heard some particularly bad jokes and were regaled with songs like “I used to work in Chicago” and “Today is Monday,” before heading back to on-after. It was the end of the hash, and, not surprisingly, the rain stopped…
On-after was a party to end all parties. Towels were handed out, people began to change, and everyone saw far more of Pleasantly Average then they ever expected to see… Golden Snowball took the lead, passing around refill after refill of pitchers of beer. Tweedle Me made a lovely concoction of beer, the remaining gummy vodka and various candies, made even the more tasty by putting her hand into the pitcher to retrieve the bits of saturated candy. After eating, we all gathered for our final circle. We drank to our hares, we had countless accusations and down-downs, and after Morning Glory Hole arrived to be with Shark Week, his much better half, we discovered that he didn’t hash with us because he refused to put on a red dress. It was at that point that he was stripped down to his shorts, put in a red dress, and brought to the center of circle for a much deserved down-down.
As the party went into the night, I turned to one of the virgins and asked, “Will we ever see you again?” She said, “Are you kidding? I’ve finally found my home!”
On-Another Piece of History-On,
Tough Knees
