Hash #61 began as most winter hashes do, with a small group huddled around with rapidly freezing beer and questioning where the hell are all the people that RSVP’d for this shindig??? Slowly the group began to arrive at the Solar Street parking lot of DestiNY USA and soon we had a nice sized group of half-minds for our DestiNY adventure.
Chalk talk was conducted by hares Pleasantly Average and Professor Crash Pants. Lots of half formed letters and symbols left the hounds with no idea what was in store, except ID’s were required and there would be a special $4 adventure inside the mall, and DO NOT GO ON THE RAILROAD BRIDGE.
And then the hash was off through the fresh snow along the banks of the picturesque creek. Some eyed it nervously worrying that trail might go through the creek, but alas the hares were not that diabolical. At one point nearly everyone made a sharp left and continued running until the hares called them back for a missed song check under the Bear Street overpass. The name of the song, you may be wondering? No freaking idea, as my brain was frozen.
And then trail resumed and we ran parallel to Bear Street and came to a check at the intersection with Solar Street. The passing cars looked curiously, including a police car, as much of the pack stood on the curb and waited for an indication of which way was true trail. Soon we realized we would be heading back towards DestiNY, so the pack regrouped and headed in that direction. Or at least almost everyone did. More on that later.
Trail headed to the enclosed bridge to the mall and inside PCP read the half-minds a riddle with a clue to the bar for the Beer Near. What did the riddle say? I have no idea, my brain was frozen. But the answer was Toby Keith’s and the group eagerly made their way into the warmth of the mall and the awaiting beer and ‘Cuse game. Frozen half-minds slowly thawed.
At Toby Keith’s the hash was treated to 16 ounce cans of PBR and enjoyed the opening half of the ‘Cuse game. While enjoying the Beer Near, Dry Spell suddenly arrived and we learned that he had been outside running around trying to find the hash, and that we had not had everyone when the true trail headed back to the mall. Or maybe we found him after the next adventure. I don’t remember, my brain was still frozen.
PCP announced that anyone who wanted an extra adventure could go to the Amazing House of Mirrors for the astounding bargain price of $4.00—normally a $10 value. So all but two hashers took her up on the offer. It turns out that the price was actually $4.30 because of tax—hey isn’t the SOH4 a tax exempt charity saving half-minds from obesity, loneliness, and unnecessary thirst?
But despite the indignation of paying the extra 30 cents, the half-minds happily donned their plastic food handler’s gloves and entered the mirrored maze—a spectacle of black lighting, fluorescent paint, and endless mirrors. It was pretty comical to see everyone walking along waving their hands in front of them, trying to feel their way around for “true trail.” It was decided that indeed it was worth the $4 and that it would have been even better with flour markings and beer hidden or perhaps a shot check. Maybe next time. It was also kind of short, so when a group of half-minds found the exit, they turned around and went back in to prolong the fun.
But alas, there was still more trail, and more importantly more beer to be had, so the group returned to Toby Keith’s to get Male Bait and Just Naoko and then headed back out into the cold. The trail went down by the rail road tracks and some folks stayed outside the chain link fence and some wankers wentinside, which meant they were running right along the side of a freight train. While it was not moving, there was a train clearly running nearby so no one lingered—just in case it started to move. It also meant that the fence had to be scaled to rejoin the group. After a few folks had awkward moments displaying a lack of athleticism and agility climbing the fence (okay, so it was just me), the group was once again together.
Snow ball fights ensued and Slip and Golden Snowball made snow angels and then we slid down an embankment to rejoin the creekwalk to the lake. Onondaga Lake was the polluted backdrop for the second Beer Near. Slip led the hash in a rousing version of Days of the Week and maybe some other songs. I’m not entirely sure since my brain was freezing again.
Then we headed back, heeding the grave warning to not go on the railroad bridge. It was a straightforward jaunt back to the parking area and the group circled up, or at least formed something circle like. Slip was going to repeal the head gear rule, but then it was decided that everyone should just do a down-down for head gear and get it out of the way. The hares were punished for a shitty trail: not cold enough, too much flour, not enough snow, etcetera. Virgins were introduced…though who they were, I cannot recall as my brain was still frozen…someone Flesh Flaps made cum and someone PA made cum.
Winter circles are becoming notoriously short, but the group made a diligent effort to try and dole out appropriate accusations. The circle had to move frequently for approaching cars in the parking lot and some people stared at us in horror as we sang our songs and reminded hashers that what does go in you goes on you. There were some apologies to families as they passed by. By this point everyone’s brains were freezing so the hash went in piece, but not before having to repeat “May the hash get a piece” a few times until they finally got it right. What do you expect? We were half-minds with frozen brains so we were working with severely reduced capacity.
We eagerly made our way back to the mall. The On-After was first to be at World of Beer, then it was decided Dave & Buster’s, then Toby Keith’s, but after various snafus we finally we ended up at Revolution with big TVs and good beer and food. Brains thawed, beer and food were consumed, and ‘Cuse hung on in an exciting win over Pitt. All was right in the world. On-on!