The first Monday hash since September was highly anticipated by those who had suffered through the long, cold season of Saturday hashing and those who hibernated for months instead of hahsing. The weather was lovely—sunshine and spring like weather, especially compared to the snowy MadCo romp that had taken place just two days prior. Boots and hats were traded for shorts and t-shirts. There was one virgin and there were lots of cum latelies spotted, including GM, Doggie Down Down, and Just Richard.
Wankers gathered on Onondaga Hill at Kelley’s for the Glorious Return to Mondays. Chunks and Dunks took not one, but two virgin hares for their first lay. If anyone doubted he was a stud, this put an end to that! Rectal Retriever and Anal-yze were his willing co-hares. Chalk talk consisted of some splotches of flour and then Chunks brought out the big guns—and I ain’t talking biceps here! Nope, he literally brought out a big water gun and spayed what looked like pee to show how they marked remaining patches of snow.

Once the legal disclaimer was taken care of the hash was on-out and down, down, down, McDonald Road. There was some checking and other nonsense, but soon the hash arrived at the first Beer Near in the parking lot of Corcoran High School. As parents came to pick up their kids, it was deemed to be a bad idea to drink right there on school grounds, so the BN was relocated to the nature trail adjacent to the school.

Pretty much everyone agreed that hashing on Mondays was a great way to start the work week. The beer was crap but the mood was good. Then the hash was on-out again and searching for trail. The hash ended up in Elmwood Park for a Shot Check. The shots were well hidden and a game of “Hot/Cold” ensued. At last the shots were located and passed around multiple times. One Trick Dick led the hash in a spirited “Father Abraham” before on-out again.

The hash headed up the trails in Elmwood and soon found themselves in some major shiggy. Wet and prickly. The second Beer Near was right in the thick of things, but that was okay, well, because there was beer. As the hash wound down the trail headed out to the road and back to the on-in in the parking lot at Kelley’s.

The hares were accused of setting a shitty trail and received their down-downs. The lone virgin was introduced and welcomed in appropriate hash style. And there were numerous accusations for the usual nonsense—blood on trail, peeing on trail, hash crashes, cum latelies, and other silliness. And then the topic of naming came up and Just Sean was called into the circle. He was questioned and sent away while the possibilities were discussed. The fact that he is 6’9” was not lost on anyone, but in the end, Just Sean was no more and Vagiantalia was introduced—an ode to his size, all around…

As the circle ended in the dark the hash went in peace to get a piece. And if they couldn’t get a piece, then at least they could get good beer and a cheap burger at Kelley’s at the On-after.

Respectfully submitted,
Came with a Fake Name