Trail #79 began with a giant pre-lube at the Inner Harbor. We were actually pretty lucky that we found it since the Meetup directions put us in the wrong place. Oh half minds! But no worries…the sun was out and the beer was flowing. Eventually everyone found their way to the Inner Harbor Amphitheater parking area and there were lots of virgins!

Chalk talk was the usual incoherent babble and illegible marking, with Genital Manager and Pom Pilot as hares. There was a new twist for SOH4 with a BB check. Pom Pilot elaborated that it was for Brown Bag and that the hash could not move until the mystery contents of the brown bag were completely gone.

Once the legal disclaimer was out of the way the hash was On-Out. There was the usual miscues and running in the wrong direction but eventually all wankers ended up in Franklin Square at the first BN under a bridge. As the rushing brown waters flowed by we half minds partook in the usual selection of shitty beers. Virgins were introduced to some good old hash standard songs and then we were off looking for trail again.

In the heart of Franklin Square we ended up at the BB and passed around the mystery bottle of boozey goodness that looped around and around until it was finally kicked. And then the hash was off again stumbling along to the second BN. The usual bawdy hash songs were toned down a bit as we had an audience consisting of some small children and their dad. The kids were fascinated by the group so One Trick Dick led us in a very tame “If You’re Happy and You Know It.” It was probably the first and last time the hash sang anything that clean in public.

And then it was On-out again for the final push back to the On-in. This is where things got interesting. We experienced a major hash crash as Butters fell in a giant hole covered with a small sheet of plywood. Oh the blood! Not to worry though, as Bushy was more than happy to shred his pants for a make shift bandage. Safety third, kids. It was around her that the hash acquired some magical trail treasures with the most exciting being a small piano. This allowed Fleshlight to provide the musical accompaniment to the final circle.

And oh boy, what a circle. So with Slip away cavorting in Europe and Jackoff still MIA, OTD had been acting as RA…but Pastorbator was ready to give it a go in his new role as backup-backup RA. Nothing like a little on the job training. It made for a bit of chaos and controversy, but when all was said and done, hares were properly called out for a shitty trail, the giant group of virgins was welcomed, and plenty of down-downs were doled out. Snidely and an unusually dressed up Captain bobbitted the trail.

And then the real fun began. Namings. Four namings. Yep, four. Seriously. After debate and discussion and a near tabling the hash said good bye to the former Just Callie, Just Chris, Just Dani, and Just Richard and welcomed Poop Soup, Flame Her, Curious Gorge, and Pocket Asian. As the sun set and the fifty pounds of flour settled in the parking lot, the group dispersed—including the curious family of onlookers that had gathered to witness the spectacle. Then the hash went in peace—hoping for a piece.

The On-after was back at SOH4 HQ—aka J. Ryan’s—where much food, drink, and merriment were had—so much so that we almost got thrown out for some sidewalk pantsing. But alas, in the end, no one was thrown out and the HQ remained safe.


Respectfully submitted,

Came with a Fake Name