Trail #91 was another reminiscence hash. SOH4 returned to Ahern’s so that Shark Week and Morning Glory Hole could celebrate their analversary together. Fleshlight and Cummando Cobbler helped them with their virgin lay. Yep, those crazy kids waited a whole year to lay a trail!

The evening started in typical chaotic fashion—no beer, no hares, no RA and people milling about in togas. Just a regular Monday night in Syracuse for half-minds. There were plenty of virgins and some visitors from Ithaca and Flour City. It was also a rare sighting of Tits McSmart who was able to break out of her office and have some fun. The night almost became a real Greek tragedy before the hash ever got started when Puddle Humper was nearly backed over by a truck. Thanks to the sharp eyesight and quick footwork of Pocket Full of Lube the disaster was averted.

And boy, do these wankers know how to toga! While traditional white was certainly well represented, the hash was not afraid to show some creativity (as if that’s a surprise!). Slip, Upper Decker, and Puddle Humper wore a matching zebra striped ensemble. Turtle Dick and Dr. Camel Shrinker wore sheer curtains—hers in white, his in pink! The word diaphanous came to mind, which Tits thought might be too many syllables for half-minds. Pink Penalty sported a Mexican poncho toga—perfect for a humid summer evening. Mudman’s toga had Toy Story characters and nearly every color of the rainbow was represented. Perhaps the most authentic was Pastorbator in a deep purple toga, rumored to be a color reserved for royalty, and a crown of vines.

Cummando led chalk talk, which was surprisingly coherent and legible, and after the legal disclaimer the hash was On-out! The hash headed down Split Rock Road where cars driving by were curious about the toga-clad runners. As we found a check the correct path seemed to be down a dead end road. Just Lyle noted that it was S & M-Oral Road, so of course we had to go that way. Soon we were running through a narrow path that smelled strangely like…..catnip. But alas, it was a false trail.

Running around an old stone quarry meant there were some nicely “paved” trails. The hash was pretty hot and sweaty now, so arriving at the first Beer Near was a welcome stop. After some refreshment the hash had a Turkey-Eagle split. There was more running and sweating but the reward was eventually found at the Shot Check with fruity jello shots! And then that running thing happened again and we ended up at the old stone crusher and a picture check. The wankers wasted no time climbing up to enjoy the view.

And then the next series of events went something like this:

What? This was a Beer Near too? But where is the beer? Wait? Say what? The beer is at the bottom? No problem, you say? Genital Manager and his beefy virgin will throw it to us? Perfect, how could that go wrong? Wait, WTF are you aiming at? (*sound of exploding beer cans hitting rock crusher*)Hey, stop you’re wasting beer! Seriously! Stop it now.

Eventually everyone ended up with beer. And the hash learned a very important lesson…big does not mean that you can aim for shit. Yep, that’s what she said.

From there it was Turkey up or Eagle down. Most elected to Eagle and from there it was a pretty quick jog bag to the On-in. Oh wait, that’s almost true. For some people it was a short and clean little stroll. For those who ended up behind GM and his beefy virgin it ended up a dirty affair—a mud puddle smack dab in the middle of the trail. Very few escaped this encounter clean.

The hash circled up back at Ahern’s and welcomed the hares to circle. And by hares I mean Cummando as the others were MIA. So Cummando took down-downs for a shitty trail and then virgins were welcomed. The ladies were welcomed a little too aggressively by Just AJ, who nearly tackled them and the beefy virgin had more male “Hello Babies” than female. Altogether a fine welcome to hashing. And down-downs for r*cist talk, out of towners, wasting beer (talking to you, beefy virgin), and other assorted offenses.

And then the topic of naming came up. It was time to name Just Dee and Just Crystal. And by Crystal I mean Casey. Just Dee was the first victim. She answered a series of questions and was probably relieved that her sister did not share any embarrassing stories (unlike another sister in the hash). And then names were discussed. And then Just Casey received the same treatment and when they were welcomed back to circle Just Dee and Just Casey were no more and Wet Nurse and Porn Free were welcomed to SOH4. And then the hash went in peace to get hopefully get a piece.

At the On-after food was ordered, beer was consumed, and life was generally good. Happy analversary, Shark Week & Morning Glory Hole. May you get a piece for many years to cum.

Respectfully submitted,

Came with a Fake Name