First, there are two things one needs to know about Ass Full of White Man. He does not do YBFs. Oh, maybe once in awhile, but not in general. No. He just lets you run following flour until they suddenly stop and you finally realize it was a false trail. The second thing you should know is that he likes checks. No, maybe that is an understatement—he loves them, is obsessed with them, in a will hug them and squeeze them and call them George kind of way.
With that out of the way, let’s talk about Trail # 106, or TBA. No name, no theme. Just TBA. Yup, TBA in Cortland. Since much of the hash regulars were away on various road trips and the distance to Cortland deterred others, it ended up a pretty small group. We did have some notable visitors with IH3’s Thank You, Cum Again and FCH3’s Harry CockHer.
The fall afternoon had turned out to be quite nice, especially when the sun was out. Seventeen of us milled around the parking lot of Beaudry Park and enjoyed some tasty pre-lube beer. Okay, let’s rephrase that—we drank hash beer. PastorBator called circle together and we did introductions since we had visitors and a lone virgin. Ass Full and Just Lucien gave a chalk talk that was pretty light on flour and details and then we were off.
Or at least until the first check. And then we were on again. Until another check. And on-on into the thorny trail. And checking again. And on-on. No, wait—checking. On-on. And big shocker: checking. There was a false trails thrown in for good measure and an R at the top of a hill, but “Checking from here” was the theme of the day. Trail headed out of the woods and back to the city streets and— surprise, surprise, we were checking again. And then there was a Turkey/Eagle split. Ass Full had said at chalk talk that the Eagle Trail was actually pointless so most of the group followed Turkey, though some wankers ran the Eagle to be overachievers.
After checking a few more times, or more accurately a lot more, we ended up on SUNY Cortland’s campus. One check had us going right past a police car, which though running was fortunately empty. I’m still surprised no one tried to take it for a drive. So back on-on/checking/on-on/checking, etc. We made our way into a cemetery and began ascending. Surely there had to be beer in here? Yes, but not before a few dozen more checks. At last the “Checking” was replaced by the magical sound of “Beer Near!”
We made ourselves comfortable around the Sweetlove family plot. Many of us were resting comfortably on various headstones— though thankfully not as comfortably as the Sweetloves, and enjoyed the lovely views of the Cortland County hills and the beer. It was actually quite a long Beer Near as everyone enjoyed being on Saturday time without worry of fading daylight.
But, alas, the hash had to move on. Ass Full had a special surprise in store. So on-out and towards downtown. The trail was mostly downhill and ended up at the Cortland Beer Company. Everyone got a sampling glass and could choose one beer to taste and have the option to buy more. And this time it was tasty beer. Very tasty indeed. It was pretty cool. Before we left we had a bartender take a group photo by the billboard outside. She thought we were insane and she might be right.
From there it was a straightforward jog back to the On-in, although there was a notable arrow pointing to a sign that read “Tomato Stakes or vampire stakes?” I’m not sure what the right answer was, and though all arrows were true, I am pretty sure no one followed it. There was also some silliness with a mismatched piggy back ride which fortunately injured no one.
At the On-in beers were cracked and everyone circled up. The hares were given down-downs for the ridiculous check-fest. It was also discovered that Ass Full does not follow proper hash form on down-downs—as his beer was not emptied and his head remained dry. The lone virgin was given a pretty lukewarm reception by the five females present. There were other accusations for Ass Full’s lack of down-down etiquette, peeing on trail, tech on trail, and for sitting in a trunk during circle. It was a pretty mellow circle and soon we were going in peace to get a piece, and heading for food and beer at the On-after at Central City Grill. TBA was a good time overall!
Came with a Fake Name