Hash #123 was dubbed the Frozen Hash for good reason. Ass Wide Shut and Just Andrew decided to set trail in f*%$ing Oswego County in Cleveland, NY on the north shore of Oneida Lake on what was quite possibly the coldest Saturday in recent memory. Despite a high of 13 degrees and a wind chill below zero a surprisingly large number of half minds came out to freeze whatever brain cells they had left.

The cold weather made the hash antsy and ready to go, so chalk talk actually started pretty much at 1:69HST. Pastor RA’ed and led the hash through introductions for the two virgins present. Pastor asked Turtle to present the Shovel of Shame to a new recipient, but he wasn’t ready so the floor was turned over to the hares to attempt chalk talk. Although bright purple and highly visible, the marks were numerous, illegible, and confusing as ever. It only got worse when folks started to stomp on the marks and Fleshy decided to make purple snowballs to throw at Dry Spell, who has made a comment about “too many Beer Nears.” WTF? There were also some ominous warnings of sharp ice, thin ice, water, and certain death on this trail. Somehow the hash got through chalk talk. Turtle was finally ready to relinquish the shovel and bestowed it upon Dry Spell for his “too many BNs” comment. He promptly refused to carry it. The hash made note of this. The final business was to wish Pastor a happy birthday and do the legal disclaimer before On-out.

Checking from the end of the driveway and off on a snow mobile path and then into field of unbroken snow. That led to a mark not mentioned in chalk talk—a PC. What could it be? The hash used their wits to figure out it meant Playground Check and romped around the equipment at a school. Then off through “downtown” Cleveland and onto a hopefully solidly frozen Oneida Lake. It was pretty pleasant on the lake, but it was even more pleasant when the first Beer Near was found in a gazebo on the shores of the lake. Goldie made herself comfortable on a tub and some hash members tried to spin her in it. There was also talk of sending her down the embankment in it. Fortunately that did not happen. The BN was quite pleasant, albeit cold, and everyone was in good spirits—at least until they noticed it was the “Gazebo of Sadness” and was a 9/11 memorial.

Upon that depressing reminder the hash went on their way through the residential neighborhoods of the metropolis of Cleveland. A few checks later (and please note: never follow Dry Spell, he is always wrong) the hash ended up at the school again. This time for a snowman making contest. The cold air made the snow pretty dry and unpackable, so motivation was pretty low until the hares mentioned prizes. Snidely took the lead and drew a lovely snowman in the snow and Goldie provided the 2-D snowman with a package. The virgins, Just Erica, and Pokahotass got really creative and found packed blocks of snow to stack up into a snowman-like form, complete with really big wood, and Turtle violated the snowman from the rear with a traffic cone. These overachievers were declared the winners and the hash continued, stopping briefly to watch Jackoff climb a tree.

The hash entered the woods and meandered around deep snow. The FRB Fleshy found the J check and shared it with Fakey, the DFL. Fleshy also found a cooler that he decided to carry with him the remainder of trail. The trail became more shigtastic with snow, ice, water, branches, and logs. The second Beer Near was actually more of a Beer Slush Near. Many of the bottled beers were partially frozen. Snacks were had and trail continued through the woods. Fireball made for a pleasant and warming stop at the Shot Check, not to be confused with a Song Check! The third Beer Near was just as frosty and from there it was mostly a road walk back to the On-in.

The On-in was inside and once the entire hash straggled in the accusations began. The hares were appropriately punished for their misdeeds and took their down-downs. Virgins were introduced and appropriately welcomed and then the real accusations began. Peeing on trail, hash crashes, and the big one—refusing to carry the Shovel of Shame! Dry Spell retrieved the shovel from his car and did his down-downs from the shovel. The hash wished Pastor a happy birthday and went in peace to possibly, maybe-if-they-play-their-cards-right get a piece. On-after was at the Sand Bar.

Respectfully submitted,
Came With a Fake Name