In varying states of sobriety, half minds gathered at Camillus Park to partake in the 2015 Edition of WinterHashlympics. There was a couple mile trail set by Just Tim through piles of snow and trees with an RC69 back to the start. Poor Fakey was waiting for us at the start, having locked her keys her vehicle :/ On the plus slide, Stiffy Lube signed in as “S. Lube”, or “Slube”, as he came to be known.

From there the Hashlympic Committee of Just Tim, UC, and OTD announced events and rules (we still don’t know what happened to Hentai, our would-be fourth hare who didn’t make it out to this day and we hope this finds him well). This edition would be a series of 4 relay and team events with 5 points for 1st place, 3 pts for 2nd place, and 1 pt for DFL of the thing. Teams were sorted based on sign-in to “Team F**king Awesome”, captained by UC and having an additional person, “Team Just Tim”, captained by Just Tim, and “Team Hashers Have More Fun in Bed” captained by OTD. Heroically, as the games were about to begin, AAA freed Fakey’s keys from their captivitiy.

The first event was a beer mile relay consisting of 8 quarter mile laps, some of which were through over a foot of snow. How teams completed 8 laps was entirely up to them. Two participants, including one virgin, puked but after completing a lap. Good times. Pokey blazed through his two laps, propelling Team HHMFIB to 1st place finish with Team Just Tim coming in 2nd and Team FA in 3rd. Cold beer miles suuuuuuck fwiw. Oh and boots are not ideal for beer milers.

Event two was a team alcosicle eating race where everyone on the team went at same time, first team to finish wins. It was cold as hell and brutal, though the popsicles (some sort of rum thing was in one, some other kind of one) were delicious. Team Just Tim dominated this event, led by Ass Wide Shut completing his in record time (if such records existed or we had timed it), Team HHMFIB coming in second, and team FA possibly not completing it or still working on theirs 🙂

Event three was Dizzy Cup relay! Participants from each team ran a bit to broom sticks (er poles), circled 5 times, ran back to where they started where there was a table.. from there they had to drink a full beer and complete a flip cup action. Again Team Just Tim dominated, and not even Pastor’s attempts to distract Ass Wide Shut from completing his flip cup action prevented their victory. Team HHMFIB came in second with Team FA, again, coming in 3rd.

The final event was the Tour Drunk Pod relay. The Hashlympic committee elected to not attempt an entire box of wine per team, saving said wine for another day. Instead, the rider of the pod would have to drink a full beer, be pulled around a loop on their pod by their team members, and then the next rider would go. Against all odds (if odds were given for such things), and propelled by alcohol, Team HHMFIB would win this event, despite pulling the pod completely out from under Lube on the first loop. . After a fierce battle, Team FA would edge out Team Just Tim, giving Team Hashers Have More Fun in Bed the overall victory for the day!!! Team Just Tim came in second, and Team FA avoided DFL in all events triumphantly at last possible second. During this event, I believe a couple of muggles at the park either had an alcosicle or a beer with us as well. Several hashletes were fully depleted from the games and lay panting at the end; Slube, in particular, lay panting. I can’t recall if/when others puked as well following this event.

I recall little of circle other than accusations (oh an CWOP hearts nerd names) and awards for hashletes. Bonus points to the virgins for whom this was their first hash!!! After was going to be at Asil’s, but they didn’t have food for some reason (during a cuse game?!) so we were onto Kelley’s to warm up.

Awards of Individual Merit Bestowed
Beer Mile Relay – Pokey (for being fast!)
Popsicle Eating – Ass Wide Shut (For being fast!)
Dizzy Cup – Ass Wide Shut (For actually finishing flip cup to secure the win despite Pastor’s um distractions)
Tour Drunk Pod – Slube (for effort)

Notable Hashlympic Fails
Just Tim – pressed his cranium into pole during Dizzy Cup so hard he bent it!
UC – tray of prepared alcosicles tumbling to ground off of a car before the events.

Faster, higher, stranger,