Hash #63 started in the University area at Barry Park. In celebration of the big Syracuse vs. Duke game, the theme was Go Cuse! Beat Duke! And our mission was to crash some tail gate parties on trail. Hashers were treated to typical shitty Syracuse weather—gray, cold, and damp. Of course these half minds had the perfect elixir for shitty weather—equally shitty beer and lots of it!
The hash was RA-less, as Slip had tickets to the big game, so half-minds made due. Chalk talk was led by Captain Cock Cuntroller and Kneegina. The funny thing was that chalk talk was unusually legible symbols, but the damp flurries of the day would pretty much obliterate any semblance of legibility on trail. Orange was well represented at circle and the hash welcomed a few virgins. Kneegina’s famous last words were, “It’s a short, flat trail.”
The virgins looked relieved, while the regular crew smirked knowingly. As if. So off went the half-minds into Meadowbrook Park. The ground was snow covered and it was quite slippery, so there was a lot of slipping and sliding and a few hash crashes. Yes, Shark Week, I am talking to you.
And there was a lot of running. WTF? This is a drinking club! But on we snaked around Meadowbrook and crossed back to Broad. Unbelievably the hash ran past a playground and didn’t stop for a picture or any juvenile antics. These people were thirsty!
There was a check on Kensington, with one of the options being a ridiculously steep hill, or not a steep hill. Knowing it was unlikely that we’d be going anywhere but up, most people ignored the check and headed up the hill, including the hares. At the top we were rewarded with a Beer Near and snacks at the little parking area. The views would have been lovely if the fog was not obscuring everything.
Kickstand had caught up to us at the Beer Near, shocked that the hash had started on time. On out was called and the half-minds headed down the stairs, which were not cleared off, so most skidded down with various levels of grace. The FRBs waited at the bottom and started pegging snowballs at the descending hashers. Soon an all out snowball fight started.
At this point I have absolutely no memory of where we went or what we saw. If anything funny happened, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was the Miller High Life, maybe I took a snow ball to the head. Regardless, the next thing I recall about this trail is arriving in Thornden Park at the water tower and heading down into some shiggy and arriving at a field where half-minds were furiously engaged in building with the snow. A snowman? Um, no…
No, not surprisingly they were building a giant anatomically correct snowman’s package. It was truly a work of art—so realistic, and after Pink Taco mounted it and Fleshlight got violated by it, the rest of the hash members posed with the snow member. And then on to main campus where we still hoped to crash a tailgate.
On campus the group really did not look that odd compared to the rest of the Orange fans milling about. There seemed to be no tailgates worth crashing, but no worries, the hares made sure we had our own in a parking lot on Harrison Street and the second Beer Near.
After the Beer Near, the crew headed up towards Marshall Street where we learned that Jesus Saves and we are sinners. Um, yeah, we knew that last part. And just like a miracle from above, the hash was saved—by our RA, Slip and Swallow. She graced us with her presence and we told the street corner preachers our version of how Jesus Saves. As one could imagine, this brought out a few curious on-lookers and as one gentleman pulled out his camera, Slip came flying from the other side of the circle and pretty much bitch slapped him. He was informed, “No pictures, man!” much to his disappointment.
We bid Slip farewell and headed up to the Quad where we had a Picture Check with the Ernie Davis statue. Pink Taco was Hash Flash for the day and was decked out in an orange and blue tutu. As she took the group shot, we noticed an Orange fan coming closer with the same exact tutu! Picture worthy for sure!
Then Just Luci tried to get everyone to come to the Dome to do the Freshmen Stomp—where one stands between the concrete pillars and stomps, and is rewarded with a funny sound that legend says was used in the original Star Wars. Reviews were mixed. Golden Snowball gave it thumbs up, while Captain said it sucked.
The stompers caught up to the hash as we raced against the flow of the crowd and off of main campus to Comstock. Trail took us left by a severe looking stone building that upon further inspection turned out to be a crematorium and mausoleum. Super creepy! We headed into the woods behind it and found a check. Up hill or down? What do you think???
The hash ascended and more snow balls were thrown, a snowman with private parts was built and we arrived at a graffiti laden water tower and enjoyed a shot check of the oh-so-appropriate Orange Vodka. Then we headed down more slippery steps and made our way back to the On-In.
Circle consisted of some accusations for the hares for their shitty trail, and down-downs for hash crashes, peeing on trail, no orange apparel, and head gear, among other sins against the hash. Virgins were welcomed and without a proper RA we went in piece pretty quickly. On-After was to be a Taps, but after pondering hanging out at a cash only bar with draconian ID policies, it was declared, “F*ck Taps!” and the new On-After was at the unofficial SOH4 HQ— aka J Ryan’s.
With the crew warm and dry and well nourished at J. Ryans’s, we enjoyed the Syracuse vs. Duke game right through to the heart stopping last second shot to tie it in regulation and on into victory in overtime. A number of Bobbits showed up, including Just Pat who left the Dome during the game (seriously!), and PA, PCP, as well as Slip and her sisters who all came after the game. The SOH4 celebrated the victory properly!
On-CUUUUUUUSE-On,
Respectfully submitted,
Just Luci
