Hash #64 began…well, actually I have no idea how it began. I was late and had to resort to other methods to join the hash. But from what I understand, it was cold, one virgin was introduced, and the Olympic theme was hummed. And then they were off, and apparently really fast because I saw them clambering up the hill when I arrived. One of the hares, Still Just Lisa, was still there and said they were “just up the hill,” and I passed some illegible marks in the snow that I assumed was a half assed effort at chalk talk, but by the time I got to the top of the slippery slope there was no one except some families sledding. They eyed me suspiciously in my sequins and fringe. What?!??
The Olympic theme was in full swing. Lots of skiers as indicated by many ski goggles. Still Just Lisa had a full skier’s ensemble and Tweedle You also ran with ski poles which proved to be awkward. Tweedle Me was having some sort of identity crisis and had a Rasta hat with dreadlocks and an Italian flag cape. Figure skaters were represented as well, and Slip had a fine handcrafted tutu and Just Luci sported more sequins than should be allowed on a middle aged woman. And of course Pleasantly Average wore the traditional Olympic costume— denim overalls. I know, I don’t get it either.
After shots of pleasant clear liquor were passed around and the half-minds had their fill of playground antics, they were On-out. There was some confusion and false trails and eventually the group headed off to towards Teall and arrived at the first Beer Near at Dr. Drinks Alone’s house. Keystone was passed around and around here another autohasher showed up late—not surprisingly Chunks and Dunks, sporting a red onesie with a butt pocket. He said it was supposed to be a speed skater, but I’m not so sure. Then the hares announced that the Hash Olympic Games would commence. The first was a competitive limbo contest. Fortunately the snow made for a soft landing for some of the less flexible wankers. Just Shannon and Tweedle Me had a heated competition but Tweedle Me ultimately prevailed. Then the high jump began. At this point the sun was getting lower and it was cold, so focusing on the event was hard. I’m not sure who won, but I did see Deflower City sporting a medal. Addendums welcome.
After the medal ceremony, the hash was On-out again and ran to the next Beer Near which was at Snidely Whipass’s house—andINSIDE! There was delightfully spiked mulled cider and everyone’s favorite orange food. Special shots were poured for Slip, Tweedle Me, and Mudman to celebrate their birthdays. I do not believe anyone was picked up or dropped. A rousing version of Chicago was sung, CAFI’s camera was highjacked, and in general everyone was warm and happy and probably would have been content to say f*ck the rest of the trail and just have the On-After there. But alas, there was more trail and circle ahead, so back into the cold and fading daylight.
At the On-In something that didn’t remotely resemble a circle was formed. The hares, Dr. Drinks Alone, Tweedle You, and Still Just Lisa, were called in to receive appropriate down-downs for their shitty trail. A lone Virgin, Just Bryan, was introduced, and once again Pleasantly Average made the virgin cum. Accusations were made for autohashing and hash crashing, as well as some other half-mind infractions, and then more serious business was presented. Just Lisa, sadly self-proclaimed as Still Just Lisa, was called to the circle and questioned. When the hash had sufficiently gathered information she was sent away and the potential names were discussed. When Still Just Lisa was called back to the circle, the hash declared her to be Dominanaltrix for her no nonsense approach to getting things done. She was appropriately welcomed and then the hash was advised to go in peace, and once again screwed up the response of “May the hash get a piece.” Oh, silly half-minds!
The On-After was at Chadwick’s on James Street where much food, beer, and camaraderie was enjoyed.
On-there are no serious hashers at the Olympics?-on!