File Under: Gobshite, Fake News, Factory of Lies, Never Letting the Truth Getting in the Way of a Good Story

So, yeah, for SOH4 return to Monday we… returned to where we returned for Monday previously. Literally. For Dyngus Day trail. Same start, same trail. One would think one couldn’t get lost. One would be wrong.

“There is an opposite to deja vu. They call it jamais vu. It’s when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first. Everybody is always a stranger. Nothing is ever familiar.” – Chuck Palahniuk, “Choke’

So yep, Butters, Just Laura, and Captain informed eager hashers of the marks that they would see on trail and handed out pussy willows and squirt guns and we were off. We were thisclose to convincing a runner we crossed in first part of trail to join us but she declined. Maybe another time.

And then we were into the woods after crossing a small stream. Vag bounded across the stream like a deer that skipped stream bounding day in school (pic of this in SOH4 bookface group), but hey his shoes stayed dry for another three seconds before we walked through nearly freezing standing water for 20 minutes. I didn’t see anyone fall in, but found out later that Six had an epic hash crash at some point in there. I reminded the FRBs that there are two ways to get a shot from a J check, r*nning fast or walking slow. Apparently if you walk slow you just need to walk slow but still be so far ahead of hashers behind you that no one believes anyone can be back there, but more on that later.

So then we wandered up railroad tracks. A couple hashers checked the wrong way and then tried to catch up. Cock or Two, having literally just gotten out of the marshy thicket unscathed, found his surface nemesis when running on gravel and train tracks, logically proceeded to wipe out after checking the wrong way. Not that many saw/heard it, but hey it’s in a rehash now and rehashes are on the interweb forever.

Somewhere along the way UC hit Quiz squirtgun with a pussy willow and broke it. Which was the most epic use of a willow since seasons 4-6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (especially by Tara). The Blarney bouncer remembered Captain “Tiny Dancer” Cock Controller when we went by his house and just yelled “Tiny Damcer!” over and over again, though Captain neither held him closer, counted headlights on the highway, or laid him down in sheets of linen, although in fairness he did have a busy day today. We ran by a police car that had someone pulled over, who by the grace of Gispert was not us. There were a pile of nonsense missing checks in the neighborhood we were in… quote ,” I meant to put a check there but forgot”.

We soon came to the BN. Well, most of us. Just Laura and It Burns* did not appear during the BN and their whereabouts were unknown. BN completed and we waited for a bit, then we were on out to wander around a neighborhood, arriving at a playground shot check. After several minutes, across the field in the distance Just Laura and It Burns* finally ‘caught up to the pack’. Allegedly they had done the same trail as us, just at a glacial pace. Just Laura’s highwater red boots must have led to such slow trail completion.

After that, in the dark we had a BN at a house which is always lovely. Today was in fact Monday, hashers were in fact all happy and made wagers regarding their buttocks to confirm this, paid out by spinning in a circle with beer on their craniums. Silly half minds without lives. Captain shouted today is a Dyngus Day every time as though he had just recalled what day it was, though he also may have had either deja vu or an acceptable hash behavior level of domestic pilsner.

Onto circle, which our two virgins actually made it to. Hares drank repeatedly. Lots of hashers we hadn’t seen in a while returned, had birfdays, and drank for various accusations. Lots seemed to think they needed cranium gear, likely because they enjoy drinking twice. Our justs also completed trail. A Tweedle and her dog showed up after work for circle.

On after at the Bull and Bear, where we watched Michigan play 14 minutes of the national championship game against Villanova before deciding to take the rest of the night off. Congrats to 3 Dog and Pastor on winning the SOH4 NCAA pool and must have sucked to come in third but not in a positive, life affirming kind of way**.

“The moments of deja vu were coming more frequently, now. Moments would stutter and hiccup and falter and repeat. Sometimes whole mornings would repeat. Once I lost a day. Time seemed to be breaking down entirely” — Neil Gaiman, “Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders”

On – deja vu all over again – on
-One Trick Dick