Normally a rehash doesn’t get written until a few days later, but honestly, if this doesn’t get written now, then the details of hash #65 are just going to get fuzzier than they already are. There was no Hash Flash, so we may never really have proof about what went down.
Slip and Upper Decker had graciously offered to host to Fat Boy/f-Mid Winter hash at their new digs and the half minds descended upon their home with beer and food. Upper Decker was still at work but Slip welcomed the wankers and chalk talk was held in the garage around 3:69 HST. Jackoff O’Lantern arrived with, um, a frozen turkey. Of course he did. And of course as chalk talk was about to begin, the hash noticed Chunks and Dunks running up the driveway. Better late than never, as always. Slip and Came with a Fake Name scrawled some symbols on the garage floor with ice tea tinted flour and after affirming that indeed, whatever happens is our own f*cking fault, we were off. There was no official theme, but Slip’s extensive wardrobe of capes and tutus was raided, just to make sure folks in her new neighborhood noticed us.
The first check was unrecognizable, and the tea just made the flour look brown and shitty, but Slip realized that most of the hash had parked on a lot of the trail’s first marks. Whoops. So On-hare the hash went through the streets of suburbia. There was much complaining about how long the trail was and how cold. Blah, blah, blah. Suck it up folks After a couple of checks, a false trail, a YBF, and an R7, as well as a whole lot of snow balls and shoving people in the snow—okay mostly Captain, the gang arrived at the Shot Check. It was a delicious combination of chocolate syrup and peppermint schnapps and passing cars must have wondered why a group of such festively dressed people were chugging chocolate syrup from the bottle in front of an abandoned barn. Let ‘em wonder.
From there it was a short trip through knee deep snow to the Slipper Wrecker house. And for many it was literally a trip, crash, or tumble. The half-minds arrived back covered in snow and ready to warm up with a good long circle in the basement. Some hashers decided to hash smarter, not harder and actually pulled chairs up for circle. Yes, really. Slip passed out Hash Hymnals and accusations got underway.
Unbelievably, the hares received down-downs for the brilliant trail, and some extra accusations for head gear. Yes, apparently headbands count. Who said head? Everyone! And of course there were the usual accusations like tech on trail and hash crashing. FRBs and DFLs were recognized ,and Male Bait arrived just in time for circle, so he got a down-down for being a Bobbit. Loonies and Toonies (Wait, who?) was recognized for his fair weather hashing. The lazy hashers did down-downs for, well, being lazy and sitting on their asses during circle. Pink Penalty did a down-down for dry lips. Plenty of accusations for all to make up for all of the half-assed circles this winter.
Then Slip passed out awards to all hashers present and read aloud the awards of those not present. Much laughter ensued as the special prizes were presented and each individual did a down-down. One may be wondering what the awards were—but you just had to be there.
And then the subject of naming came up. The Mismanagement Team had conducted a little impromptu naming at J. Ryan’s during their meeting earlier in the week, and while it was a proper naming with deliberation, singing, and adequate ceremonial activities, it was determined that something more traditional with the whole hash was necessary. So the former Just Luci, christened at J. Ryan’s as Came with a Fake Name, was called into the circle for some questions and once satisfied the hash then brought up the business of naming Just Naoko. She was invited to the circle and questioned and sent away. So many good choices, but after deliberations a decision was made. Just Naoko and Came with a Fake Name were called backo circle . And the hash declared that they would forever be known as Anal-y ze This and Came with a Fake Name. Then the hash went in peace and finally got, “May the hash get a piece” right. There might be hope for these half-minds.
And then the On-after got underway. There was much food and beer and merriment. And more beer, which led to more merriment. Upper Decker arrived home to find his house taken over by hashers and joined in the fun. The Syracuse game had been graciously moved to 7:00 PM to accommodate our hash (Thanks, SU!) and the gang gathered to watch a nail biter and saw Syracuse come away with the W for 25-0!!! As if the mood could not get any better the merriment continued with Cards Against Humanity, Flip Cup, and Beer Pong.
As the evening wore on, a dance party ensued in the basement and PA manned the music wearing safety goggles and somehow managed to provide strobe lights. Bushy Cholera was seen with a cordless drill for no apparent reason. The festivities were in full swing as the night turned into the wee hours of the morning. Though memories began to get fuzzy about the specifics of the evening, they may have been some partial nudity and possibly peeing in some inappropriate places. Fortunately the cops were not called and Slip & Wrecker’s neighbors did not start moving in until the next morning.
In the morning bleary eyed hashers woke up in various nooks and crannies of the house with blistering hangovers. Those who could stomach the idea of food were soothed with Kicky’s pornographic pancakes, coffee, and Advil. And as folks became functional, they slowly dispersed while Slip vacuumed Nerds off every surface of her house and looked for hidden Sports Beans in the dishwasher, on the ceiling fan, and in the powdered creamer. There were also love notes and pornographic drawings left for the hosts to show the hashes appreciation for their hospitality. Who knew Fleshlight was such an artist? By noon most half-minds had gone to suffer through their hangovers in the comfort of their own homes, but at the last report Bushy and Pocket were still not functional and were possibly moving in. And the frozen turkey was resting comfortably in Slip and Wrecker’s bed.
It was a good one, folks.
On-if you weren’t there, you totally missed out-on
Came with a Fake Name