It was a rainy Monday night when dozens of SOH4 half minds arrived at Green Lakes. Badly Done Shiggy and Muddy was promised… and would be delivered on several levels. Ambitious hashers, some with BDSM paraphernalia, set up a tent in the parking lot to avoid the rain while prelubing and awaiting chalk talk…
Because it was the BDSM hash, ‘sub’ hares were recruited to assist: Vag made a poor decision and volunteered to assist OTD (more on that later), with Dry Spell offering to assist Kneegina. Chalk talk included lies about what marks would be seen. As promised the “CS” mark for Clothing Swap made it’s debut at SOH4.
And then Vag and OTD were off live setting first part of trail wherever there was shiggy or mud including standing water, thicket, and other trail elements. About 1/4 of the way into setting trail, Vag split off to set a false…. and became a hare lost on his own trail. OTD assumed he could catch up, follow trail, call for help (or maybe be seen because he’s 6’9″ for Gispert’s sake!)… OTD was wrong. The kennel quickly caught up as they made their way through standing water, or avoided it, up and down muddy paths, and actually found trail.
As hashers approached the first beer near, it became clear that Vag had gone missing. Which was especially unfortunate as he had most of the remaining flour to hand off to the other live hares. Instead they used what little flour was left to mark trail, and when that ran out they used parts of the flour bag or went on-hare to a strawberry shot check and to the second BN. Evidently at the second BN there were donut trail treasures discovered in a cabin, which hashers delirious from the cold and wet conditions elected to devour. Luckily no one needs to be renamed Patient Zero or have a hash disease named after them as a result.
Meanwhile, Vag was discovered nowhere near trail chasing deer through a field. After he tried to follow trail twice, he apparently gave up and headed back to the parking lot (down downs galore for that). Speaking of abandoning hope, while Vag and OTD were waiting near where we were told the second BN was, a wayward individual wandered down the road. Tired and ragged, he was hoping we could tell him how to get back to the parking lot. This was Just Bryan, who had lost his key on trail and had actually found it!
Eventually we all made our way back to the parking lot, where it was decided to avoid hypothermia and go to circle indoors at the after. This led to an interesting circle including a pause for the national anthem, hashers sitting on couches, copious amounts of wings being consumed , a potential virgin trying to join us after wanting help with the ATM en route to rehab the next day (?!), and other odd things that happen when circle occurs during the NCAA championship at a sports bar. Our lone virgin even made up an accusation of peeing twice on trail. After a full circle S&M man singalong , it was onto a naming of former Just Rob. During which PA and OTD combined for a new verse to a hash song in his honor: ‘if your mall date tastes like sh*t, flip her over; if her mall date tastes like sh*t, that’s her *ssh*le not her kid…’… yeah that’s going in the SOH4 hymnal update and was sung several times. After lengthy deliberation, he was named Pastorbator (or Pastorbaiter, or something). And then got more flour on him than was on the second part of trail…
Respectfully submitted even though Fakey does it better,